Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!
Today we are talking about how to get rid of “Mom Guilt” – Part 2! In Part 1, we discussed why it is a problem. We discussed the impact of social media and the way we consume other’s lives. We also talked about the importance of deep relationships to better and how we define what it really means to be a good mom.
I discuss the next step. After we create our list of what things we think defines being a good mom, it is important to understand how that fits into our lives. Theodore Roosevelt says, “Do what you can with what you have where you are.”
Today, I ask, “What do you need to be a good mom?” If you only give yourself half of what you need you can only give your children and family half of what they need, half of what you think makes you a good Mom. I shared what I have learned about myself in this process. What is the difference between the days I yell and the days I do not yell at my kids? Journaling helped me understand rhythms in my life.
[9:56] I discuss the concept of “Deferred Rage,” a term coined by my husband. If one thing bothers me, I defer the rage or frustration to someone else. If I am not in a good place with my marriage, I am not showing up for my kids the way I want to. How often do I need to see my therapist? How often do I need to work out? How often do I need to pray? How often do I need to see my extended family? How often do I need to see my girlfriends? If there are things/activities that make you more patient and present with your kids, take note! Make a list. What do I need to show up how I want to show up as a Mom. The more you work on this, the better you will show up in all areas of your life.
[12:37] Next, ask yourself, “What does my WORK life need to look like for me to be the best Mom I can be.” I share an example. As I went through this process, I learned when I am going through negotiations at work, I am completely stressed. I was unable to show up the way I wanted to for my team and my family. Like with your personal life, notice the times that make you the most stressed out and address them. Realize how they impact you and those around you. You may need to reconfigure some things in your world. Perhaps, have an open discussion with your employer about what tasks may cause stress and some ways to combat that.
How can you check the boxes of what it means to be a good mom within the parameters of the life that is in front of you. If you are able to look forward and see things that you can change right now (through a person, process or system/technology), how can you make progress to ease some of those restrictions that may be causing stress and impacting the way you show up for others. Be aware and confident of your process and your pursuit. It is not about an end destination. Focus on the progress. I grant you permission to call yourself a Good Mom along the way.
[21:32] If you are feeling that you are falling short, make a plan! Pursue you. Brainstorm ways you can show up better for yourself. Once you lay all of that out, your brain is going to trick you. You are going to have moments where you are going to be like “I am still not doing enough, I am not giving my child what they need.” That is why Mom Guilt is so hard to fight. It is always around. It takes time and practice to get rid of mom guilt. When you feel those thoughts coming into your mind, you need to rewire you brain. It happens one thought at a time. Brené Brown shares the idea of a “Silly First Draft,” a first thought that comes into our minds. Immediate thoughts that we string together in our mind that are not true. They need to me automated, validated and replaced with the truth.
[24:05] I share a story about how I had my parents watch my children overnight. When my children got emotional as I was about to leave, my silly first drafts started popping up and I had to acknowledge them then replace them with the truth. Alone time is what will make me better and allow me to show up for them in the best way.
[28:09] I share how Mom Guilt has stopped plaguing my day-to-day life as a result of re-training my brain, quieting that inner voice and strengthening my grounded confidence. I invite you to pursue the same. Take a step forward and pursue what you feel is going to help you get closer to being a good mom. That process of pursuit to me, means you are a Good Mom right now.
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More Episodes You’d Be Interested In
Episode 38: How to Get Rid of Mom Guilt: Part 1