Today’s episode is inspired by my older sister, Ashley. One day as our families were sharing time together, I was watching her with her kids, 2 boys and a little girl. One thing I recognized as I watched how she handles her kids and lives day-to-day as a mother figure to them was her ability to rebound or recover. If her children misbehaved or tested her patience, she did not let it affect the rest of her day. I personally feel this is a challenge for me. If I get frustrated, it takes me a while to recover…and a good amount of sleep. Today I discuss how I am practicing overcoming these challenges.
As I see my sister rebound in, what seems to be an easy way, I start to think about my life with the goal to improve my rebound rate. I realized my rebound rate is really good in certain areas of my life. I had been focusing on the personal side, but on the business side, I was never held down for long if there was a hiccup.
Webster’s Dictionary defines Rebound as, “A recover in value, amount or strength after a previous decrease or decline.”
I share an example of a meltdown my son had recently.
What tools can I pull from my business life to my personal life?
[9:59] #1 – Don’t show up for my family in a deficit! I might be breaking down in front of my husband and kids because it is my “safe space.” I am not afraid to be anyone I am not when I am home with them. However, I don’t want to give my kids whatever is left over after the end of a day. I don’t want to start my family time at a zero or at a negative. You will not show up as your best self, to be able to balance yourself and your personality, to process emotion when you are in an exhausted state. My role when raising these children is to be able to, the majority of the time, control these things so I don’t negatively impact them. I want to show up with strength, intentionality and will power so that I am filled up when I enter into those relationships.
[13:54] #2 – Reframe my expectations! The reason we get mad in a relationship is because our expectation did not meet your reality. So, we can change 2 things…1 – your expectations or 2 – your reality. Couples married for 20 years always share with me to pick your battles in your marriage. So, changing my expectations might be the more effective move in my relationships, especially because I have self-proclaimed high standards. When I discuss rebound rate, it is going to start with the expectations that you have around everything and all of the people in your world. It allows me to take ownership!
[20:43] #3 – Compartmentalization after something has happened! My husband always jokes that I have “deferred rage.” If the kids do something to aggravate or agitate me, I take it out on him…because I can’t rebound! How can I handle my emotions to move on? Sometimes I can’t compartmentalize because my feelings are important and I don’t want to push them to the side or hide them. How do I find that balance? How do I balance feeling and compartmentalizing emotions? The key is trying to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling and the reasons you are upset and have that strong understanding of why you are reacting this way.
[25:31] #4 – Staying mad just isn’t worth it! When you are mad and hold onto anger you are robbing yourself of the present moments, that could have been joyful! “Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die.” The challenge to myself is letting go of stubborn tendencies. Stay tuned!
So how do we dissociate ourselves and our worth with the outcome of something. How can you remind yourself how great you are at what you do without needing someone else to do that for you.
I plan to keep my cup as full as I can. I plan to reframe the expectations that I place on my reality. I plan to be conscious of my emotions to keep them from radiating out and impacting other pieces of my life- to compartmentalize vs. erupting. Lastly, to realize this precious, beautiful life we have is made up of seconds. We can choose to stay mad or we can choose to see the opportunity that is in front of us. If we can swallow that pride that flares up and wants to join the party when stubbornness walks in. Rebounding isn’t weakness- it is immense strength.
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