As I’m starting to think about 2021, setting my intentions and goals for next year, I’m feeling this resistance. This was not like a resistance that I was conscious of at first. Only once I sat with it all for some time, I realized that this year in particular the resistance is pretty powerful. I think there are road blocks every year that come in all shapes and sizes. If you’re listening to this in real time (even if you’re not), I suspect that that you’re going to relate to these experiences that we all went through this past year, in 2020. So, what that means is I want to dig into your heart, your soul and your mind right now. I think if you’re feeling some resistance around setting goals this year it’s completely normal!
I want to NAME some reasons that it might leave you feeling afraid. I believe that when you name the things you fear - when you take them from inside your heart and put them out either verbally or on paper - they seem to lose their power. I find myself able to look at these challenges or fears or worries differently. And that’s what I want today to be about for you.
So, coming into 2021 planning, one thing that might be on your radar is:
#1 Past Experiences:
With everything 2020 has thrown at us, PERHAPS the goals we set for ourselves this past year didn’t workout the way we had planned. Or maybe it wasn’t 2020, maybe it was 2019, 2018 heck, maybe it was 2007. There is so much fear around dreaming your dreams because maybe you had a dream before and it got crushed.— and that stays with with you. Sometimes this feeling of failure stays with you in an obvious way. Sometimes deeper down hidden underneath all the emotions and feelings is this underlining “I didn’t accomplish this thing so why would I try for it again.” Or, “Why would I try for something like this?” And if you set any goal in 2020, most likely, in some way shape or form, something didn’t work out the way it planned. I have learned to overcome this with perspective. For me, this is ALL about saying “yes,” that failure in my life happened. But, the key isn’t that “I’m a failure because I failed” it’s “acknowledging failure happened but that doesn’t define me as a failure”. When we fail, it’s CRUCIAL to look at WHY there was a failure. In 2020, you have ALL the excuses. I share two examples, one with my child care center and one with my real estate business. Your choices highlight your priorities but they don’t determine who you are. If you don’t like the outcome, refocus your priorities, change your choices and how you spend your time, energy and the goals you’re valuing.
So as you’re planning your 2020, ask yourself, what in your past is holding you back? Was there a past failure that you’re holding onto that is keeping you from dreaming big to avoid feeling that sense of failure? If so, you’re not alone. But, take some time to separate yourself from your failure. Your priorities were different then. Your choices were different then, and as a result, your failures were different. Separate yourself from those failures. Just because you failed before doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Your environment might be challenging. 2020 created environmental challenges like none other. You can find ownership in your priorities and choices, while also being realistic about the challenges you faced, giving yourself some grace.
#2 Reality of the World:
Will 2020 happen again? Let’s say you’re in the public events space. Let’s say you build a business on networking and referrals. Let’s say you sell beautiful dresses that one would wear to a fancy event. Let’s say you’re like 75% of business whose best laid plans and goals can implode within the second. I feel a bit like don’t want to waste my time planning or dreaming because I did that before. I realized all the time I wasted and i don’t want to go through that again. The only way i can start this is by saying “you’re not wrong!” Just as i did with past experiences, let’s start by just naming it…calling it out that you don’t want to dream because you just don’t know what’s best for the future. And because you’re not wrong, that’s the perfect reason to say “nope, I’m just not going to plan, I just don’t know what’s to come so what’s the point?” I share a personal example.
Besides being smart and conservative during difficult times, what I went through was this realization that certainty is just not the name of the game right now. We need to be adaptable but also OK not seeing the end of the staircase. I quote Martin Luther King, Jr. often. “You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” It is one of the biggest challenges I have. Do I think we need to have bigger plans to provide a sort of north star? A direction that we THINK we’re headed in? I sure do. But do I think every single day we need to be prepared to look up, look around, look inside of ourselves and be ready if there’s a shift we have to make? Yes. I do want continuity in your work and if you’re changing every day you’re not going to get the momentum. I know you need to do great things, but don’t avoid planning because of the uncertainty. Keep your eyes on your goal, but your heart and mind prepared if and when uncertainty comes into your life.
#3 You’re Shaken
What do I mean? Well, for starters, you could be shaken from, what I just discussed: Your failures of last year. Hopefully you separate yourself from that while taking with you the lessons you learned. But, you might also be shaken because you’ve learned something about yourself this past year that’s been impactful. I know so many people who spent more time with family and are like, I’ll never go back. So, what does 2021 look like when you’re not sure how you’re going to change, or what your future life looks like. Maybe you only know what it DOESNT look like? If you’re feeling shaken in this way, WELCOME TO THE CLUB, you have no idea how many people are going through this same feeling. My thoughts or advice on this that I’ve shared is to avoid doing anything without some thought. “I want to be home with my family” looks a lot different when the kids are back doing sports and back in school, and when your husband is back at work. So, be sure you’re really thinking about what a shift like this would mean. Is it truly something you want to shift in this big way? Or, is it something beautiful for this season? Is this something you can experiment with? Ask for some flexibility in hours or time home or work offered? Is there a way you can change your hours? Is there a way you can take small steps to move you onto more settled ground?
I HATE feeling all shaken up, I want to encourage you that when you’re feeling shaken up, don’t waste it. Use it as an opportunity to journal. Sometimes I feel like when I’m really emotional I’m very vulnerable, I can’t hide anything I’m feeling or thinking. And is there anything I can learn from that? It’s hard but not all bad. Use it as an opportunity to really discover more about yourself and your passions. And just as I mentioned when I discussed “uncertainty,” plan for the next month. Experiment for the next 30-90 days. Perhaps your “pursuit” is of learning about yourself and what works well after all you’ve learned. It does not need to be. Complete life change. Maybe instead slowly moving away from the things that you feel don’t align with your priorities anymore…and that takes time…so keep pursing that.
I’ve had people who have just felt all of these challenges in 2020 so deeply that emotionally they are fatigued and exhausted. Shaken in a way that you’re emotionally in a tough spot and don’t know how you’re going to get out of it. I don’t want you to forget you. You’re sitting here planning for 2021 and you can barely even get through this episode, let alone pull out a pen, paper and THINK. My message to you is: Don’t force it. While I cannot give medical advice, I would support turning off the news, checking out of social and getting reconnected with nature. You don’t have to set your goals for 2021 in 2020. You do need to take care of yourself. Ask for the help you need. whether it’s financial, whether you lost your job, whether you’re feeling depressed. If you’re afraid to plan, afraid to set dreams and you’re feeling it’s something deep, don’t try to plan your world to cover it up. Go there. Go to a therapist, a friend, read some books to learn more on things that you can relate to. You can’t push through this kind of emotionally fatigued and deeply impacted shaken. Take care of yourself.
So we’ll be getting into some tactical goal setting over the next few episodes I promise, but I had to start here. This past year has been one that no one could have planned for, expected or prepared for emotionally. As a result, as we are on the tail end of it. We need to be sure we’re doing a download of our hearts to see how it’s affected us - particularly in the way we set goals for our future. It’s so easy to let failures of the year or disruptors of the certainty we once had for the future discourage us from being able to see the world in the way we once did. It’s so easy for this to instill fear in us. But when it comes to goal setting, fear doesn’t have a place. Anytime you set a goal there’s a piece of you that will creep up and tell you why you can’t do it, why you will fail. If you believe that fear, if you’ve internalized it vs. acknowledged it and dispel it, your dreams will feel it. When you are pursuing you, ask yourself, what you might be afraid of, what might be getting in your way. Because even though we don’t know what the staircase of next year looks like, remember that we’re all in this together, and together, we’re going to, take that first step.
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