One thing that surprisingly a lot of people do not know about me, is the fact that I was a lacrosse player. It was a big deal in my life and a huge piece of my identity. Being in athletics has shaped the way that I think. Today, I am using this background as the way I make decisions, how I think about things, specifically about failure. That is what I am discussing today!
Whenever I would see the term AMRAP (as many reps as possible) or PTF (push to failure). What was always so cool to me was when you are in the moment of failure, you feel like you can’t do anymore. But when I didn’t have a limit in my mind of anyone else’s expectations, I was able to do more because I was not being guided by anyone but myself. I was only being guided by my own body. When I was pushing to failure, I was finding my own limits and I was finding what worked for me vs what I thought might work for me or what others expected worked for me. The second thing I learned was this idea that I could build off that. When I pushed to failure, the more I learned about myself, the more I was able to modify what my training would look like in the future.
In my last episode I discussed how our family has become a foster family. It has been a lot. A LOT. And when you have new dynamics and pressures, it can shake you up. I want to share how I am living it out in real time and how I will learn, modify, and adjust my own expectations.
[6:26] What do I mean when I say “pushing to failure” when it comes to life? I want you to understand some definitions here. When I say failure, I refer to it more as a guide than a loss/end of something. Also, my failure is different than your failure. Failure, to me, has been a progression. When I knew I was pushing to a limit, I was so unconscious of my body. What I hope is that failure starts to look different, for me and for you. What my failures look like NOW are raising my voice to my kids, my belly is a little off because something doesn’t feel right. Failure is not an end but a boundary or an indicator.
[9:30] I also want to introduce you to the idea of a “stress scale.” Maybe sometimes a little stress is good! Maybe a lot is good for you!? What I know to be true is what stresses me out might not stress you out. What stresses you out might not stress me out. I want to dig into stress from a standpoint of a measuring tool for us as we are working to push to failure. Let’s pretend there is a scale from 1-100. I like that this scale is the measure of my stress level. 1 is a sandy beach with a perfect breeze. 100 looks like failure. For me, it is raising my voice, not being able to control my emotions. If you hate being there, it means you are at 100. I want you to gauge, not where you are currently, but I want you to start thinking about what your ideal range is. Majority of the time, day-to-day, where do you like to be. For a long time, I was living at 90 but I wanted to be at 25. The goal was that it took a lot to get to 100. I worked on delegating and brought people into my world to take off the pressure. It took years to get to the point where I wasn’t having so much pressure on me all of the time. I was finding that I was very low stress. But then I learned that being at 25 was a bit boring to me. I felt there was more of me to give. I realized that this wasn’t an ideal place for me. I pushed to failure on the LOW end of the stress scale! My next step was to determine where my perfect range was. That was when we decided to (train to) foster. For me my range is 40-60. Find what your range is. I personally need chaos and action. I love feeling like I make a difference. But I also know that my old self became obsessed and never stopped and met 100 far too often.
[18:46] I share thoughts on Mom Guilt. A lot of it comes from the fact that we feel like we should be doing something other than what we are actually doing. Maybe we feel like we are letting someone down. When you start to feel confident where your bottom and top range is on a stress scale, it makes it a lot easier to navigate stress. You can talk yourself through the emotional responses you get from choices you make. It is important to note your indicators to start being mindful of where you are at each day so you can start to identify what triggers move you up and down the scale.
[22:40] What do we do about it? The reality of the situation is I take a big jump in my stress scale during a certain time of the month. My kids, my husband, my life’s pressures stay the same. It is me that changes. For you it could be when quarterly reports are due! So, what does that mean? Do you sleep more? Do you eat cleaner? Do you do yoga instead of CrossFit? Maybe you have a moment where kids are crying, OJ spills and everything in your control is suddenly not in your control anymore. Have a plan! Have action steps! Turn on Disney+ and take a shower. Take some time to reflect because you are the only one that knows! It is not about being perfect. It is about taking responsibility for setting my life up in a way that I can enter into home, work, friendships with pride.
I pray today that the next time you find yourself pushed to failure you hear my voice saying “welcome!” We have all been there and “failed” in our own ways. It doesn’t mean it’s the end. It means that a trigger! There is time to adjust in your own way. I pray that you can identify ways you can adjust yourself. I pray you can modify how you experience triggers so you can get back into that range that works for you. I also pray that your logical self is stronger than your emotional self when you want to add more to your plate or take off from your plate even when you know something is not right. I pray you can use joy as your fuel, excitement/contentment and peace as your fuel as you continue to Pursue You.
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More Episodes You’d Be Interested In
Episode 71: 5 Things I Didn’t Expect Becoming A Foster Parent