Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!
I am starting today’s episode with a story about my daughter, and I hope that this story about her inspires you to not be afraid to use your own voice in your family, in your job, or anywhere else that you find yourself wanting to ask something of someone else. I want us to not be afraid to ask for what we want. Sometimes it takes us awhile to figure out what we want, but when we do, what do we do with it? What do you do when you’re wanting a promotion or a raise, or when you need something from your clients or your spouse? What do you do when you want something from your friends? Once we identify what we want, how do we get closer to getting it or making that happen? In today’s episode, I’m sharing six steps for asking for what you want.
[00:00] I start off sharing a story about me watching my daughter use her own voice to ask for what she wanted when we were away on a girl’s trip, and how I am so proud of the fact that she can speak for herself, and how it’s inspired me to make sure I take my own advice and share this advice with you to use your voice to ask for what you want.
[4:30] Step 1 – Understand that people aren’t mind readers – I want you to know how important it is that we don’t assume people know what we want. Often, we end up assuming that people know what we want, and it sends us into attack mode or angry towards them for not giving it to us. Reality is, people typically don’t have any idea what we want and it’s not even on their radar unless we bring it up.
[6:30] Step 2 – Reflect & understand WHY this “ask” is so important – What will asking this question do for you? What is your end goal and why is it so important? Go beyond the surface. The answer you think it is might not even be your real why. I go deeper into this with a personal story about a question I had to ask my husband and how I couldn’t ask him for anything until I really understood WHY I needed to ask the question.
[15:10] Step 3 – Be clear on what you’re asking for – I share another, more humorous, story about a time I asked my husband for something and how it explains why we need to be extra clear about what we are asking for. Learn how defining terms like “Low quality eggs” or “high quality eggs” can help set up clear expectations on what you want and what you don’t want.
[21:00] Step 4 – Analyze the big picture – It’s important for us to think about how this “ask” is going to affect the people around us. Sometimes these questions will impact others in big ways, emotionally, financially, or with their time. Considering this may modify your ask or it might not, but its’ important that when you do finally ask that you’ve already considered the ramifications it will have on others.
[25:15] Step 5 – Plan and share your ask – Plan out exactly how you’re going to ask and when you’re going to do it. Share your plan with someone that can hold you accountable so that you see it through.
[27:05] Step 6 – JUST ASK IT – I know you’ll find yourself hesitating, so I want you to go back to step 2 and remind yourself why it’s so important that you ask for this. Ask yourself what it will be like if you don’t ask? What’s the worst that could happen if you do ask? Use these counseling questions to remind yourself and inspire you to JUST FREAKING ASK!
So, I ask this of you, what is that fierce conversation you need to have? What is an area where you’re feeling like you could use some help in, what is something you want to ASK for? Go through these steps, and channel your inner 4 year old Aliana Grace, look at what you’ve been given, peer inside that bowl of possibilities to see if there’s something in there that’s worth the ask, and yes, you might have your moment of doubt just like she did, but know that I’m here with the ‘you can do it’ smile encouraging you to go out there, and ask for what YOU want because you deserve it.
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