Episode 21: 5 Things Therapists Wish You Knew

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I just got done recording this episode with Maryellen Dance, a licensed mental health counselor that I met years ago. We just recently reconnected in a local mastermind group and I just knew she was someone I wanted to bring on and share with you all. You’ve all heard me talk about therapy and what an important role it plays in my life, my development, my growth, my relationships and its funny because with me being so open about it, I really have seen how many preconceived notions we carry around about what it means to go to therapy, what qualifies us to have to go to therapy, etc, etc, -- so get excited, because this episode is jam packed full of good tidbits about what therapists wish you knew about therapy and how it might change your perception of who therapy is for, and how to go about getting started.

[1:20] Maryellen introduces herself and shares her story about where she was before she was a therapist, how she discovered she wanted to be a licensed mental health counselor and her journey in her career to where she is now.

[5:55] 1. Maryellen and I talk about the fact that therapy is for everyone. This might be the biggest misconception about therapy, that the only people who need therapy are people with serious mental health disorders and people who are currently in a state of crisis. However, Maryellen and I talk about how just how we maintain our wellness when we aren’t sick or our fitness when we aren’t overweight, it’s good for us to maintain our health, through therapy, even when we aren’t in a state of crisis.

[10:00] 2. We discuss the stigma that therapy is given due to Hollywood’s portrayal of it. Therapists want you to know that it’s not a cold process with an old man sitting behind you while you lay on a chaise lounge and just list all of your problems. For Maryellen and many other therapists, they start off with their clients by introducing themselves and helping them to feel comfortable and connected with their therapist.

[15:30] 3. Therapists want you to know that it really is up to you how often you attend therapy and that it can be variable depending on seasons of life. Sometimes during crisis, you may attend therapy weekly, and during times of maintenance, you may only choose to go once a month or even less frequently.

[17:30] 4. Maryellen stresses the importance of finding the right counselor for you. She also encourages us to keep looking for the right therapist even if the first or second one isn’t right for you. It’s worth it to find the person that you feel comfortable with. We also take a look at what you should look for in a therapist’s qualifications and where you can go to begin finding a therapist.

[21:00] I take us on a sidetrack to discuss virtual therapy, what it is, and why it might be helpful for certain people.

[23:30] 5. Therapists are real people. They aren’t perfect and they don’t want you to think they are. While it isn’t appropriate for them to disclose themselves to you, they do want you to understand their personalities and who they are enough that you are comfortable with them and that you understand they are people with problems, just like you.

[26:00] 6. We have a bonus point that is the fact that your therapist isn’t judging you. They have a desire to help you and they have seen all sorts of different situations. They are not sitting there judging you, and they want you to feel free to ask them for help, no matter what.

I hope you enjoyed this episode with Maryellen Dance, and I hope that we’ve been able to help you see therapy in a new light and given you some things to think about as you consider pursuing therapy in whatever capacity might be right for you right now. Be sure to connect with Maryellen on her social media channels or reach out to her via email if you have any questions.

Connect with Maryellen Dance

Email: maryellendance@gmail.com

Instagram: @maryellendance

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 19: Facing Rejection Therapy

Episode 17: The Power of Margin

Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 16: Ask for What You Want

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I am starting today’s episode with a story about my daughter, and I hope that this story about her inspires you to not be afraid to use your own voice in your family, in your job, or anywhere else that you find yourself wanting to ask something of someone else. I want us to not be afraid to ask for what we want. Sometimes it takes us awhile to figure out what we want, but when we do, what do we do with it? What do you do when you’re wanting a promotion or a raise, or when you need something from your clients or your spouse? What do you do when you want something from your friends? Once we identify what we want, how do we get closer to getting it or making that happen? In today’s episode, I’m sharing six steps for asking for what you want.

[00:00] I start off sharing a story about me watching my daughter use her own voice to ask for what she wanted when we were away on a girl’s trip, and how I am so proud of the fact that she can speak for herself, and how it’s inspired me to make sure I take my own advice and share this advice with you to use your voice to ask for what you want.

[4:30] Step 1 – Understand that people aren’t mind readers – I want you to know how important it is that we don’t assume people know what we want. Often, we end up assuming that people know what we want, and it sends us into attack mode or angry towards them for not giving it to us. Reality is, people typically don’t have any idea what we want and it’s not even on their radar unless we bring it up.

[6:30] Step 2 – Reflect & understand WHY this “ask” is so important – What will asking this question do for you? What is your end goal and why is it so important? Go beyond the surface. The answer you think it is might not even be your real why. I go deeper into this with a personal story about a question I had to ask my husband and how I couldn’t ask him for anything until I really understood WHY I needed to ask the question.

[15:10] Step 3 – Be clear on what you’re asking for – I share another, more humorous, story about a time I asked my husband for something and how it explains why we need to be extra clear about what we are asking for. Learn how defining terms like “Low quality eggs” or “high quality eggs” can help set up clear expectations on what you want and what you don’t want.

[21:00] Step 4 – Analyze the big picture – It’s important for us to think about how this “ask” is going to affect the people around us. Sometimes these questions will impact others in big ways, emotionally, financially, or with their time. Considering this may modify your ask or it might not, but its’ important that when you do finally ask that you’ve already considered the ramifications it will have on others.

[25:15] Step 5 – Plan and share your ask – Plan out exactly how you’re going to ask and when you’re going to do it. Share your plan with someone that can hold you accountable so that you see it through.

[27:05] Step 6 – JUST ASK IT – I know you’ll find yourself hesitating, so I want you to go back to step 2 and remind yourself why it’s so important that you ask for this. Ask yourself what it will be like if you don’t ask? What’s the worst that could happen if you do ask? Use these counseling questions to remind yourself and inspire you to JUST FREAKING ASK!

So, I ask this of you, what is that fierce conversation you need to have? What is an area where you’re feeling like you could use some help in, what is something you want to ASK for? Go through these steps, and channel your inner 4 year old Aliana Grace, look at what you’ve been given, peer inside that bowl of possibilities to see if there’s something in there that’s worth the ask, and yes, you might have your moment of doubt just like she did, but know that I’m here with the ‘you can do it’ smile encouraging you to go out there, and ask for what YOU want because you deserve it.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 13: Set Goals You Actually Care About

Episode 10: The Pruning Challenge

Episode 6: Good Enough to Move On

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I am so excited to share one of my favorite books I read in 2019 for today’s Pursue You Pick. It’s called Do Less, by Kate Northrup. I first heard her on the Goal Digger Podcast with Jenna Kutcher, a podcast that I absolutely love - and so I of course fell in love with Kate’s message and wanted to dive into more of her work.

Kate is an entrepreneur who supports ambitious women to light up the world without burning themselves out in the process. CAN I GET AN AMEN!?

There’s a quote on the insert of her book that says, “In our culture, the way we’re working isn't working. Our addiction to busyness and obsession with always trying to do more leads us to feel like we're always failing our families, our careers, our spouses, and ourselves. We need to revolutionize the way we work.”

The overall premise of the book is the idea of doing less, so that we can have more, or rather, experience more. 

[3:45] I start off sharing a bit of Kate’s personal story that she outlines in the book, and what led her to the conclusions she shares in her book.

[7:20] I challenge you to think about things that are restricting your time today and try to start brainstorming how you can do those things in less time.

[11:50] I share with you Kate’s explanation of how our energy levels and productivity can be related to our 28-day menstrual cycle. I outline the four phases that Kate discusses and share with you how she relates them to our energy and productivity.

[15:20] For those that don’t currently have a cycle, I briefly discuss how you can look at your energy and productivity in relations to the four moon cycles.

[17:45] I share how recognizing these phases and cycles and what my body needs at the time allows me to give myself more grace and helps me to plan my business and life accordingly in order to maintain maximum productivity without busyness and burnout.

[22:00] I share my top three favorite experiments of the 14 that Kate shares in her book. I challenge you to grab a copy of the book so that you can see which experiments will help you boost your productivity while also finding more time to experience more of what you love.

I related to this book in so many ways, and I feel like it just gave me permission to look at productivity the way that my body was telling me to. Hopefully, this episode has peaked your interest, and encouraged you to pick up this book (hard-copy or Audible) for yourself and try one of these tweaks or experiments to see how it fits into your life. Then, I hope you’ll be able to pursue YOU as you do less and experience more!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 7: Screen Time Hacks

Episode 5: Pursue You Picks: The ONE Thing

Episode 2: Why Self-Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is!