Episode 27: How to Navigate Your Mind and Soul in This Unprecedented Time

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

What a time we are in! I try my hardest to keep my episodes “evergreen,” which means, no matter when you listen to them they are relevant and valuable. And then the Coronavirus entered our world. It is dramatically affecting the way we are living. In Episode 27, I discuss this pandemic and chat about what I am personally going through, in the hopes that you might relate. It may not be “evergreen,” but it applies in any challenging situation. I want to discuss how you might grow from fear to faith; from helpless to empowered. I am taking you along on my journey and discuss what this experience has been like for me.

[3:05] Tip 1: Ask yourself what are you feeling? My husband asked me this and I couldn’t verbalize it. Since I couldn’t vocalize how I was feeling, I chose to write it down in a journal. I challenge you to do the same and to ask yourself: What am I feeling? What am I afraid of? Personally, I decided I was feeling anxious that I was unable to “home school” my children the way others were (all things I noticed by scrolling through social media) and instead had to focus on my 3 businesses! Then I came to the conclusion: Focusing on my businesses is okay in this season of life.

[5:50] Tip 2: What is important to you? My family is and always will be my #1 priority! BUT, business has to take a front seat right now, among this pandemic and strained time in our economy. In Gary Keller’s book The One Thing, he discusses “counterbalance.” You might be trying to be at work and have an awesome life all at the same time. But, there are times you will have to focus a bit more of your time and energy in one of those places and that might be outside of your comfort zone. The key with “counterbalance” is that you never stay in one place too long. Yes, I am saying my family is at the very top of my list at this moment in time, but I am also saying that I am intentional about it, I am making the decision about it, I am aware my business needs it and I am also aware it will not be like this forever.

[9:12] Tip 3: Once you have identified what is important to you, rank your priorities. The reality is you cannot have it all, especially with all that is going on around us! The thing that is MOST important for you to put first is yourself! For example, I have napped twice this week. I never nap! I need to do what my body needs. I encourage you to get enough sleep, go outside for a walk, meditate. Do what you have to do to be working as close to 100% as you can.

[10:37] Tip 4: Find one thing per day you can focus on. [Side note: I discuss the important of paying attention to your budget. Get rid of things expenses are not important.] For me, one of my priorities was to get clear on my expenses! Going for a run or doing crafts with my kids are two more examples. I can then add a second thing to focus on. And, now, today I have 4 things on my plate! It is important to embrace these small wins and not to put too much on yourself!

[13:50] Tip 5: Find opportunities to be grateful! Find gratitude in a home, healthy family members, amazing people working so hard caring for us to end this epidemic, for the leadership making really hard decisions. I am personally very grateful for the people that I have chosen to surround myself with. Build that 5-minute practice in to your daily routine!

Using these 5 tips, you can go from fear to faith, from being nervous to being empowered. Lean on one another; we will get through this together!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 26: 5 Steps to Rock Your Morning Routine

Episode 24: 5 Steps to Rock Your Nighttime Routine

Episode 21: 5 Things Therapists Wish You Knew

Episode 23: Using The Enneagram To Connect with Claire Ficker

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Today I am talking with a special guest, Claire Ficker to discuss the Enneagram! The enneagram is a personality assessment. You may remember when I brought my husband on the podcast to discuss the DISC assessment on Episode 11. This is totally different, but equally as amazing. I am so passionate about connection and the enneagram is a wonderful way to learn more about yourself, more about others and to better connect with those around you.

[3:00] Claire discusses her journey with the enneagram. She is a licensed professional counselor and, during her journey through getting her certification, she was introduced to the enneagram. She gives this test to all of her patients.

[4:19] Claire discusses the basics of the enneagram. There is a flow to each of the 9 numbers and each number represents a different personality type.

[5:38] Claire explains how you and determine what number you are. There are many online tests but she suggested a few books that both explain the enneagram and have the test as well:

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge by Beatrice Chestnut

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Andreas Ebert and Richard Rohr

Claire explains how there is a spiritual connection and how the enneagram pre-dates Christ. The enneagram is an oral tradition best understood by talking about it, so Claire encourages us to read many different perspectives about it.

 [7:30] Claire explains how she doesn’t like to reduce us to numbers and uses her own number as an example to help us understand how the enneagram moves and flows in times of stress and in times of help.

[11:44] Claire discusses the best thing about deep, intimate relationships is the freedom to challenge one another. You get to know idiosyncrasies of one another and learn to highlight them. We cannot assume that other people “just know” because we do. This is especially important in marriages. Each number has a passion or a sin that gets in the way. [Sin, an archery term is the degree to which you miss the bullseye. When discussing the enneagram, the degree to which you sin is an ego or defense mechanism; what gets in the way or trips us up.] She explains each one.

1. The Reformers deepest need is to be seen as good. They see the world as very black and white and, in their opinion, see right and wrong clearly. Their sin is anger. If they see something that is wrong, social justice, for example, they challenge that and do something about it.

2. The Helpers deepest need is to be loved for who they are. Their sin is pride. They don’t know how to ask for help but, instead, take pride in knowing what other people need.

3. The Achiever wants to be successful and to be seen positively. “They want to win and they want to look good doing it.” The sin of the achiever is deceit.

4. The Individualist wants to be seen as uniquely special. Their sin is envy. They see everyone else out there as unique and special and don’t feel they measure up. They are the most common number on the enneagram. Their highs are high and their lows are low.

5. The Investigators deepest need is to understand. Their sin is avarice. They do not want tangible things but, instead have a strong need to have information.

6. The Loyalist needs to feel secure and their sin is fear. They tend to lean into something other than themselves to give them that sense of security, such as religion. Most people are sixes.

7. The Enthusists deepest need is to avoid pain. They see the glass 7/8 full all of the time. The enthusiasts sin is gluttony. Sevens needs to learn to stop and sit in the pain and deal with it instead of running from it.

8. The Challengers deepest need is to be in control of themselves. They do not want anyone else to try to control them. Their sin is lust, or an “act first, think later” mentality.

9. The Peacemakers deepest need is to avoid conflict. The nine has the hardest time figuring out their number. They become all things to all people to keep the peace. The sin is the sloth. They can look lazy as they are attempting to keep the peace.

[21:36] The lines on the enneagram refer to how a number responds in stress and in health. In stress we move one direction and in health we move to another. In, stress 1 goes to 4 goes to 2 goes to 8 goes to 5 goes to 7 goes to 1 and in health they go the other direction. In the middle triangle, 3 goes to 6 goes to 9.They re

Claire also noted that the nine Enneagram types are grouped into three centers: Body (Instinctive/Gut/Belly), Heart (Feeling), and Head (Thinking). There are three Enneagram types in each centers. Numbers 2,3 and 4 fall into Heart, 4,5 and 7 fall into Head and 8,9 and 11 fall into Gut.

[28:00] Everyone is unique and everyone has their blind spots. In marriages, the enneagram should be used not to judge but to build curiosity about how one’s number (both needs and sins) can impact their relationships

[34:03] Claire discusses enneagram wings. A wing is a number on either side of yours. For example, a 2 can have a 1 wing or a 3 wing. Wings can also change over time. Claire explained how the first half of her life, her 1 wing flapped more strongly and now she is noticing more of a connection with her 3 wing.

Before signing off, Claire noted that Suzanna Stabile’s book The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships can help focus is a wonderful tool in learning more about the relational aspect of the enneagram.

The enneagram is a powerful tool. I just love the way it allows us to connect to one another deeper! I encourage you to learn more about the enneagram to gain an understanding about what number you may connect with and, in turn, strengthen your relationship with yourself and those around you!

CONNECT WITH CLAIRE FICKER

Christian Psychotherapy Services

SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

MORE EPISODES YOU’D BE INTERESTED IN

Episode 11 – The DISC Assessment

Episode 21: 5 Things Therapists Wish You Knew

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I just got done recording this episode with Maryellen Dance, a licensed mental health counselor that I met years ago. We just recently reconnected in a local mastermind group and I just knew she was someone I wanted to bring on and share with you all. You’ve all heard me talk about therapy and what an important role it plays in my life, my development, my growth, my relationships and its funny because with me being so open about it, I really have seen how many preconceived notions we carry around about what it means to go to therapy, what qualifies us to have to go to therapy, etc, etc, -- so get excited, because this episode is jam packed full of good tidbits about what therapists wish you knew about therapy and how it might change your perception of who therapy is for, and how to go about getting started.

[1:20] Maryellen introduces herself and shares her story about where she was before she was a therapist, how she discovered she wanted to be a licensed mental health counselor and her journey in her career to where she is now.

[5:55] 1. Maryellen and I talk about the fact that therapy is for everyone. This might be the biggest misconception about therapy, that the only people who need therapy are people with serious mental health disorders and people who are currently in a state of crisis. However, Maryellen and I talk about how just how we maintain our wellness when we aren’t sick or our fitness when we aren’t overweight, it’s good for us to maintain our health, through therapy, even when we aren’t in a state of crisis.

[10:00] 2. We discuss the stigma that therapy is given due to Hollywood’s portrayal of it. Therapists want you to know that it’s not a cold process with an old man sitting behind you while you lay on a chaise lounge and just list all of your problems. For Maryellen and many other therapists, they start off with their clients by introducing themselves and helping them to feel comfortable and connected with their therapist.

[15:30] 3. Therapists want you to know that it really is up to you how often you attend therapy and that it can be variable depending on seasons of life. Sometimes during crisis, you may attend therapy weekly, and during times of maintenance, you may only choose to go once a month or even less frequently.

[17:30] 4. Maryellen stresses the importance of finding the right counselor for you. She also encourages us to keep looking for the right therapist even if the first or second one isn’t right for you. It’s worth it to find the person that you feel comfortable with. We also take a look at what you should look for in a therapist’s qualifications and where you can go to begin finding a therapist.

[21:00] I take us on a sidetrack to discuss virtual therapy, what it is, and why it might be helpful for certain people.

[23:30] 5. Therapists are real people. They aren’t perfect and they don’t want you to think they are. While it isn’t appropriate for them to disclose themselves to you, they do want you to understand their personalities and who they are enough that you are comfortable with them and that you understand they are people with problems, just like you.

[26:00] 6. We have a bonus point that is the fact that your therapist isn’t judging you. They have a desire to help you and they have seen all sorts of different situations. They are not sitting there judging you, and they want you to feel free to ask them for help, no matter what.

I hope you enjoyed this episode with Maryellen Dance, and I hope that we’ve been able to help you see therapy in a new light and given you some things to think about as you consider pursuing therapy in whatever capacity might be right for you right now. Be sure to connect with Maryellen on her social media channels or reach out to her via email if you have any questions.

Connect with Maryellen Dance

Email: maryellendance@gmail.com

Instagram: @maryellendance

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 19: Facing Rejection Therapy

Episode 17: The Power of Margin

Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 17: The Power of Margin

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

If you’ve heard me speak, you know that I LOVE being busy. I love activities, productivity, and efficiency. After four years of pregnancy and nursing babies, I was so excited for 2019 to ‘max out’ my life and jam pack as much possible into my life. And you don’t have to have had a human to have gone through this experience, it could have been from a sickness, challenging family situation, etc. but you might be able to relate to when you literally, physically cannot ‘max out’ your life the way that you think you have to in order to succeed. I knew that margin wasn’t a luxury, and I knew that it was a necessity, but I had no idea how to implement it in my life. I didn’t know how to go from my life of exhaustion, chaos, and a mindset of I have to be working, to having margin and rest. Learning this and creating this margin wasn’t easy for me, it was a process and a journey, but I’m going to share with you some questions to help you reflect on your current life so that you can design a life of margin in 2020.

[6:50] Question 1: What would your life have to look like so that you never felt like you needed a vacation? I challenge you to think on how your life would need to be designed so that when you had a scheduled vacation or self-care activity, you actually looked forward to it and were happy during the time leading up to it, rather than desperate and miserable. I encourage you to go back and listen to Episode 2, all about self-care for a refresher on what self-care really should be.

[17:25] Question 2: Where am I not being intentional about my time? I challenge you to get your planner, paper or digital, and time block every hour of your week. Include everything, even sleep. Then go back and see where you have empty time slots and areas where you aren’t being fully intentional with your time or wasting time you could be doing something more refreshing or productive.

[21:00] Question 3: What are you filling your margin time with? Once you’ve found even 10 minutes of margin in your day, how are you using that ten minutes? Are you wasting it on social media, or are you using it to rest, or to be with your kids, or to read a few more pages of that book you want to finish this month? Check your margin to make sure you’re filling it with things that are rejuvenating you.

I went from ZERO margin to being able to logistically create margin. I’ve been able to be absolutely okay with that margin in my soul, and I’ve grown from spending time reading and consuming amazing content instead of wasting time scrolling social media. I’ve been able to be more present with my family because I’m not running ragged and showing up every day being exhausted. Margin isn’t a luxury in our schedule, it’s a necessity. When we have margin and utilize it in a way that refills our bodies and souls, we have more to give! So, pursue margin, so that you pursue you, so that you can give the gift of your best self to your family, your community and your business.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you rerame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 2: Why Self-Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is

Episode 3: 3 Reasons You’re Not Making Your First Hire

Episode 14: My Top 5 Personal Reads in 2019

Episode 15: My Top 5 Business Reads in 2019

Episode 16: Ask for What You Want

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I am starting today’s episode with a story about my daughter, and I hope that this story about her inspires you to not be afraid to use your own voice in your family, in your job, or anywhere else that you find yourself wanting to ask something of someone else. I want us to not be afraid to ask for what we want. Sometimes it takes us awhile to figure out what we want, but when we do, what do we do with it? What do you do when you’re wanting a promotion or a raise, or when you need something from your clients or your spouse? What do you do when you want something from your friends? Once we identify what we want, how do we get closer to getting it or making that happen? In today’s episode, I’m sharing six steps for asking for what you want.

[00:00] I start off sharing a story about me watching my daughter use her own voice to ask for what she wanted when we were away on a girl’s trip, and how I am so proud of the fact that she can speak for herself, and how it’s inspired me to make sure I take my own advice and share this advice with you to use your voice to ask for what you want.

[4:30] Step 1 – Understand that people aren’t mind readers – I want you to know how important it is that we don’t assume people know what we want. Often, we end up assuming that people know what we want, and it sends us into attack mode or angry towards them for not giving it to us. Reality is, people typically don’t have any idea what we want and it’s not even on their radar unless we bring it up.

[6:30] Step 2 – Reflect & understand WHY this “ask” is so important – What will asking this question do for you? What is your end goal and why is it so important? Go beyond the surface. The answer you think it is might not even be your real why. I go deeper into this with a personal story about a question I had to ask my husband and how I couldn’t ask him for anything until I really understood WHY I needed to ask the question.

[15:10] Step 3 – Be clear on what you’re asking for – I share another, more humorous, story about a time I asked my husband for something and how it explains why we need to be extra clear about what we are asking for. Learn how defining terms like “Low quality eggs” or “high quality eggs” can help set up clear expectations on what you want and what you don’t want.

[21:00] Step 4 – Analyze the big picture – It’s important for us to think about how this “ask” is going to affect the people around us. Sometimes these questions will impact others in big ways, emotionally, financially, or with their time. Considering this may modify your ask or it might not, but its’ important that when you do finally ask that you’ve already considered the ramifications it will have on others.

[25:15] Step 5 – Plan and share your ask – Plan out exactly how you’re going to ask and when you’re going to do it. Share your plan with someone that can hold you accountable so that you see it through.

[27:05] Step 6 – JUST ASK IT – I know you’ll find yourself hesitating, so I want you to go back to step 2 and remind yourself why it’s so important that you ask for this. Ask yourself what it will be like if you don’t ask? What’s the worst that could happen if you do ask? Use these counseling questions to remind yourself and inspire you to JUST FREAKING ASK!

So, I ask this of you, what is that fierce conversation you need to have? What is an area where you’re feeling like you could use some help in, what is something you want to ASK for? Go through these steps, and channel your inner 4 year old Aliana Grace, look at what you’ve been given, peer inside that bowl of possibilities to see if there’s something in there that’s worth the ask, and yes, you might have your moment of doubt just like she did, but know that I’m here with the ‘you can do it’ smile encouraging you to go out there, and ask for what YOU want because you deserve it.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 13: Set Goals You Actually Care About

Episode 10: The Pruning Challenge

Episode 6: Good Enough to Move On

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 14: My Top 5 Personal Development Reads in 2019

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I’m going to start today’s episode with a question? What was your favorite book that you read in 2019? What if I asked what was your favorite book of all time? What would your answer be? The reason I want to ask you this is because a few years ago I would have had to think back to college when I was forced to read books, and I would only read the cliff notes version, and after an assignment I’d forget it all. Once I got into business, I read books here and there, but I want to share today how I used to think about reading, because I don’t want you to feel intimidated by a personal reading list and just skip over this episode. I want you to know that reading wasn’t always a natural thing I loved to do. I was too busy. You’re probably feeling the exact same way. As I’m recording this year in 2019, however, I have read more books this year than I have ever read in one year. Reading impacted me in such a positive way this year that I want to inspire you and share with you some books that you may want to check out in 2020.

[4:00] I share how I developed a passion for reading. It all started with listening to podcasts. As I started to enter leadership positions in my real estate team, I started consuming more podcast content, and I discovered book recommendations from my favorite shows and their guest interviews.

[8:30] I share how I was inspired by Chris Suarez to read books on the things I claim to value most. This year was a focus on personal development, so my books are all tailored to that. Don’t worry, I’ll do a separate post on my favorite business development books in the future!

[10:50] Book 1: Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Ariana Huffington: Ariana focuses on the third metric of our lives that we need to focus on aside from just pursuing money and power as we seek to create a life of success. She teaches us how to focus on our well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving, and how all of these together are going to help us become the people we want others to remember when we’re gone.

[15:30] Book 2: Keep Your Love On: Connection, Communication, and Boundaries by Danny Silk: Danny focuses on relationships in his book and especially on teaching us how to recognize whether these relationships allow us to feel confident or are causing us to feel vulnerable. He focuses on three points: connection, communication, and boundaries.

[20:30] Book 3: Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarantee Tomorrows Success by John Maxwell: If you are looking for a book that is going to spark a fire in you, this is the book to add to your 2020 reading list. John points out that we tend to do three things: over-exaggerate yesterday, overestimate tomorrow, and underestimate today. He then follows with 12 daily practices to make today matter.

[24:30] Book 4: Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis: Rachel is very inspiring in this book, and it’s a great choice from this list to listen to on Audible. Her book helped me see excuses I needed to let go of, habits I needed to develop, and skills I needed to acquire.

[31:45] Book 5: Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted by Marcia Naomi Berger: I love this book and it’s practical teaching on how to establish marriage meetings with your spouse. Whether you do it weekly or seasonally, I encourage you to take a look at how to set up a meeting with your spouse and have intentional conversations that include appreciate, chores, planning good times, and discussing problems and challenges.

[36:00] I share a few of the other books I read this last year that you might want to check out for your 2020 reading list. I also share about my goal to really make reading the Bible a priority for myself in 2020.

[38:00] I share practical tips on how reading changed my nighttime routine. Instead of screen time before bed, this was a perfect opportunity to read. I’ll take 5 or 10 minutes checking in on social media, and then I’m done, and I allow myself to read before bed to get my mind and soul prepared for sleep.

I recently read a quote from Warren Buffet, “This is how knowledge works, it builds up like compound interest, all of you can do it, but I guarantee not many of you will do it.”. I have been the busy one. If you had asked me a few years ago what I read, I wouldn’t have been able to answer you. It wasn’t a priority. It can be hard to get started, but maybe one of these books will put you on a path to success this year. It’s easy to make excuses, but I hope that you can find something in your world that ignites your passion for reading. You can take your self and your relationships to the next level through personal development by consuming more of these books. My 2019 is living proof for me, and I hope I can be a spark to get you started or to the next level because investing time into yourself is the best investment you’ll every make.

My 2019 Reading List:

• Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Ariana Huffington

• Keep Your Love On: Connection, Communication, and Boundaries by Danny Silk

• Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarantee Tomorrows Success by John Maxwell

• Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis

• Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted by Marcia Naomi Berger

• Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management for Ambitious Women by Kate Northrup (hear more about how this book impacted me in Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less)

• The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream by Paulo Coelho

• Sit, Walk, Stand by Watchman Nee

My 2020 Personal List:

• Lore: Harnessing Your Past to Create Your Future by Jeanette Schneider

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

• Episode 13: Set Goals You Actually Care About

• Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less

• Episode 7: Screen Time Hacks

Episode 12: Shifting Your Perspective on Sleep

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Today I’m talking about that 6 letter “S” word -- SLEEP. And you might be like, “Mandy you’re going to do an entire episode on sleep?”. Well, I’m going to try because I feel like it’s THAT important.

I’ve been on a roller coaster with sleep I would dare to say my entire life, and maybe it’s because I’m getting older (I just celebrated my birthday), or maybe I went through a period of sleep deprivation with two littles; but the more I read, and study, and actually live in a way where I’m conscious of my sleep, I’m still blown away!

Sleep is important. We’ve all heard it, but I wasn’t listening. I never really had it sink in, so that’s what I want to chat about today. I’m going to share tidbits about my sleep journey in hopes that you can hear the importance of sleep in a different way, so it sinks in for you. When I say this is life changing, I’m not exaggerating. I think you’ll understand if you’ve ever been sleep-deprived that it’s also INSANELY real and something I’m finding so many of you in my community struggle with, so yes, I’m spending this entire episode talking about sleep!

Disclaimer: Any time I’m giving my advice or my thoughts, I want you to know it’s coming from personal experience and it’s meant to get you thinking. It’s meant to get you to think about things in a way you hadn’t thought of before, and I hope it encourages you to experiment and try something new until you find what’s best for you.

[4:10] I start by going into our belief around sleep. What is sleep to us? What is its importance? My original mindset was warped from an incredibly young age. I share how everything I did was all in the name of hard work, and that influenced my perspective on sleep, which was that it wasn’t important.

[6:25] I share how this mindset continued into my entrepreneurial days. Occasional breakdowns helped slow me down from time to time, but I felt that hard work was the opposite of being lazy (i.e. sleeping, resting, relaxing). I found pride in being the hardest working person, and I never really felt exhausted, so I didn’t see the problem.

[7:20] I open up about what finally pushed me to see that my body needed sleep. Two back to back pregnancies, both of which gave me crippling morning sickness, helped me to put everything in perspective. I finally came to the realizations that my actions and perspective regarding sleep were influencing other people, not just me.

[13:00] I talk about how even though my perspective on sleep had begun to transform, I didn’t take drastic action until I realized that I was losing control of myself and my emotions. I share the solution that my husband and I came to and how we were finally able to get sleep after having two littles.

[19:30] I talk about the importance of finally being able to understand what my body needed, and to see how giving it the sleep it wanted gave me more energy and motivation than I had had in a long time. I talk about how it related to getting my cycle back after weaning my youngest. To understand more about this, I encourage you to go back to Episode 8: Pursue You Picks – Do Less.

[20:30] Now that I’m one year into my shifting perspective on sleep, I’m sharing some tips for you to maximize your sleep and make sure you’re prioritizing it, no matter what stage of life you’re in.

[21:45] Identify How Much Sleep You Need – Experiment with different hours of sleep. Use Episode 6: Good Enough to Move On to help see the diminishing returns, and to establish the right number of hours of sleep you need.

[23:30] Figure Out When the Sleep Will Happen – In order for you to get up on time, when do you need to be in bed in order to get your ideal number of hours of sleep? Take a look at your next week and your days and look to see if there’s a conflict and see how you can modify that. You may need to add in a nap or push your sleep and wake times back.

[25:10] What Habits Will Support Your Sleep Schedule – If you’re letting other habits steal time from your sleep, think about what will be more beneficial for tomorrow. Is it better to establish a good sleep pattern, or to spend more time watching Netflix?

[26:40] Cut Yourself Some Slack – If you’re in a difficult season, you may not be able to get the sleep you need right now. I challenge you to be mindful about other ways you can give your body what it needs during this season, until you can get the sleep you need.

Remember, prioritizing sleep does not mean that you’re lazy. If you want to take care of the people in you’re world that you want to take care of, you’ve got to get some sleep. I challenge you to look at these four points to make sure that you have a solid relationship with sleep. Now that I’m on the other side, I see so clearly how from high school, to college, and even five years ago, sleep was laziness. Rest was laziness. I never understood sleep for all the it is worth. When I work, I go hard! But I also love going for a walk, listening to podcasts, staying at home alone and journaling. What I used to classify as doing nothing, I now love to do! The progress I have made with sleep and rest, working with it instead of against it, has allowed me to soak so much more out of life. I finally have the ability to give more to the people around me. By shifting your perspective on sleep, and living out these four tactics, it is my prayer you can give your body what it needs to be its best version because we all know when we are at our best, we have so much more to give.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 8: Pursue You Picks - Do Less

Episode 6: Good Enough to Move On

Episode 7: Screen Time Hacks

Episode 10: The Pruning Challenge

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Today I want to talk to about pruning, and before I get into it, I have to call out the elephant in the room. If you know what pruning is, it has to do with gardening, but don’t be fooled into thinking I know what I’m doing when it comes to gardening. In fact, I’m so bad at gardening that I once killed a cactus. But today, I want to talk about pruning as a metaphor for your life. Pruning, by definition is when you trim a tree, shrub, or bush by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, for the purpose of increasing fruitfulness and growth. Today, I want to share with you four areas of your life that might need pruning in order to increase your ability to pursue your best self, and thereby give the gift of your best self, to those around you.

[1:50] I share a story about when I first came to understand the idea of pruning as a metaphor for life, and how it prompted me to realize that I needed change in my life, no matter how hard it was going to be.

[5:35] I introduce the four areas of life that I am going to challenge you to reflect on and see where you might need to do some pruning in your own life.

[5:50] 1. Commitments: The things you have committed to, be it committees, family, church, etc. are either fulfilling you or draining you. I share some of the excuses I made before I finally made the decision to leave the committees that were draining me, and I challenge you to examine your commitments and see which ones you need to step away from.  

[10:52] I ask the question, “How do we know if something is fulfilling or draining?”. Then, I challenge you to ask yourself these questions in relation to your current commitments: How did I feel doing what I did today? How did I feel on the way there, after it was over? How do I feel about it at the end of the day? Did I show up better or worse after?

[11:45] 2. Habits – Which habits are positively or negatively impacting your life? This one is hard because they are small things, like hitting the snooze button, or checking email in bed, or not hugging your spouse enough. They aren’t massive, but they compound, and they turn into bigger problems. Ask someone else to help you notice these things. What is consuming your time at each segment of your day?

[16:20] 3. Content Consumption - You are in control of what you consume on social media, tv, movies, etc. I challenge you to reflect on how the people you follow on social media make you feel, how you respond to watching the news or certain T.V. shows, etc. Find the content that lifts you up and empowers you as you go throughout your day.

[23:00] 4. Relationships – If you met the people you spend the most time with at a party today, would you see them and want them to be the people that were influencing you? Do a relationship check to make sure your close, close friends are all people who fill you up. Are there people in your life that aren’t serving you? If they aren’t serving you, you can’t serve them.

Pruning is hard. It takes a lot of work, reflection and self-awareness. It takes counseling and experimentation to see what’s serving you and what isn’t. Here’s the harder part, for me at least. As you start to prune, you may go into panic mode and try to hold on to things that you need to be letting go of. Until you really reflect, you won’t have the confidence to do the hard action of pruning. Pruning can make you feel so empty, but what feels like emptiness at the time, that emptiness is really space. It’s space to make active choices on everything from your commitments, to habits, to relationships, and as they slowly fill back up, you realize your life is now filled with things that empower you and fulfill you. All your energy and time is being put to the best use and that focused energy goes towards the right things. I challenge you to see how pruning can change your life. It will give you space to design and pursue a life that allows you to give the gift of your best self to everyone around you.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less

Episode 6: Good Enough to Move On

Episode 3: 3 Reasons You’re Not Making Your First Hire

Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I am so excited to share one of my favorite books I read in 2019 for today’s Pursue You Pick. It’s called Do Less, by Kate Northrup. I first heard her on the Goal Digger Podcast with Jenna Kutcher, a podcast that I absolutely love - and so I of course fell in love with Kate’s message and wanted to dive into more of her work.

Kate is an entrepreneur who supports ambitious women to light up the world without burning themselves out in the process. CAN I GET AN AMEN!?

There’s a quote on the insert of her book that says, “In our culture, the way we’re working isn't working. Our addiction to busyness and obsession with always trying to do more leads us to feel like we're always failing our families, our careers, our spouses, and ourselves. We need to revolutionize the way we work.”

The overall premise of the book is the idea of doing less, so that we can have more, or rather, experience more. 

[3:45] I start off sharing a bit of Kate’s personal story that she outlines in the book, and what led her to the conclusions she shares in her book.

[7:20] I challenge you to think about things that are restricting your time today and try to start brainstorming how you can do those things in less time.

[11:50] I share with you Kate’s explanation of how our energy levels and productivity can be related to our 28-day menstrual cycle. I outline the four phases that Kate discusses and share with you how she relates them to our energy and productivity.

[15:20] For those that don’t currently have a cycle, I briefly discuss how you can look at your energy and productivity in relations to the four moon cycles.

[17:45] I share how recognizing these phases and cycles and what my body needs at the time allows me to give myself more grace and helps me to plan my business and life accordingly in order to maintain maximum productivity without busyness and burnout.

[22:00] I share my top three favorite experiments of the 14 that Kate shares in her book. I challenge you to grab a copy of the book so that you can see which experiments will help you boost your productivity while also finding more time to experience more of what you love.

I related to this book in so many ways, and I feel like it just gave me permission to look at productivity the way that my body was telling me to. Hopefully, this episode has peaked your interest, and encouraged you to pick up this book (hard-copy or Audible) for yourself and try one of these tweaks or experiments to see how it fits into your life. Then, I hope you’ll be able to pursue YOU as you do less and experience more!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 7: Screen Time Hacks

Episode 5: Pursue You Picks: The ONE Thing

Episode 2: Why Self-Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is!

Episode 7: Screen Time Hacks

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Let’s talk about screen time! No, I don’t mean for your kids...I mean for you! As a realtor for the last 10 years, screen time has been a huge challenge for me. I need to be by my phone for other realtors, for my clients, to monitor new listings, to reach out to a new client wanting to work with me, etc. And when I was on it 24/7, my business grew! It was this self-perpetuated addiction to my phone. Today I want to share with you some screen time hacks along with some perspective that I have found ultra-helpful as a parent and entrepreneur. My goal is that you’ll see that there are tactical tools and mindset shifts that, wherever you are with screen time, so you can feel confident that you are in control of how technology is influencing your life and how you’re showing up in the world.

[1:00] I start off sharing with you my story, and how I first realized I had a problem with screen time.

[5:30] Hack #1: Completely silence your phone. I talk about how removing the distractions of ringing, vibrating, etc will help you keep your attention focused where it needs to be. To hear more about how distractions, have a negative impact on your world, go back and listen to Episode 5: The One Thing.

[7:00] I recommend practical ways to implement hack number 1, and how to make it work for your specific lifestyle.

[9:45] Hack #2: Set an alarm to check your phone. I share a story about how a friend of mine was also looking to ditch some screen time and how setting alarms for checking our phone gave us more freedom and enjoyment with our families in the evenings.  

[13:00] I share my advice and action plan for how to regularly implement an alarm schedule for your screen time.

[14:40] I talk about how you can implement the alarm hack into your work day as well.

[16:35] Hack #3: Carry a pen and paper with you. Sometimes the hardest thing is when you have good intentions and then something else sucks you into the black hole of screen time. For me, this is always adding a note in my task list. I share how I now write it on paper, making sure I remember, without getting distracted by other things on my phone.

[18:40] I challenge you to think about the one thing that’s pulling you back to your phone that just gets you started down the black hole of YouTube videos and Facebook. What are the things that you think will take a quick second and then suck you in?

[19:00] Hack #4: Take apps off your phone! What apps are you opening when you’re bored, or you get that feeling like you need to be on your phone. Those are the apps to delete. I also share other solutions for when it’s not practical to completely remove the app from your phone.

[20:35] Hack #5: Forward your phone. This hack may seem excessive or unnecessary for your current situation or job, but I share a lot of practical tips for delegating out your phone calls and voice mail. It is life changing!

[23:00] I talk about how to approach these hacks if you’re still feeling worried about missing emergencies phone calls, clients, etc.

[25:50] Hack #6: If you’re unsure if screen time is even a problem for you, I challenge you to use this week to see where you’re at. Use one of the many apps available for tracking screen time and app usage and see where you might need to change things up or what you need to do to maintain where your current usage.

Bottom line – phones are amazing, but for me and maybe you too, what we feel like is connecting us, has maybe we’ve taken it to far. We’ve crossed a line from connecting to being obsessed. I’m the first to raise my hand, and I say it with no embarrassment, I was actually addicted to it. While I had valid reasons in my mind for being on my phone, I was missing out on my life, I missed my babies, I felt unfulfilled, and I could never focus on where I was in the moment. I feel like I’ve come so far, and people are noticing that I can leave my phone places, and not be stressed and anxious about it. I hope you see that you can still be reachable, service your clients, be connected and be present wherever you are. I want you to reflect, design and pursue what screen time looks like for you when you are pursuing your best self.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 5: Pursue You Picks: The ONE Thing

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 2: Why Self-Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is!

Episode 5: Pursue You Picks: The ONE Thing

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Up until a few years ago, I wasn’t what you’d call a big reader. I’d gotten through a few books here and there, but as a realtor, entrepreneur, wife, and mother, my day to day schedule was crazy! Books or professional and personal development took a back burner. It wasn’t until my life and business hit a wall that I realized I needed to step it up a bit. My original business passion is real estate and Gary Keller is the author of a book I was introduced to as a result of my career with Keller Williams, and though I had read it before, I decided I needed to read it again after I had this mindset change, and it ignited a fire in me! I saw how consuming this content actually converted into me being more productive and feeling more confident in myself. It allowed me to live proactively rather than re-actively!

Because of the impact this book made on me, The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan is my first Pursue You Pick! This pick is a book or podcast that I love and think you would benefit from. I’m going to share my big takeaways, and how it’s impacted me, and I hope it will encourage you to check it out for yourself to dig deeper.

[2:15] I introduce the book, The One Thing, and talk about the tagline, “the surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results”. The simple truth is that there is one thing you can do, that if you do it, will make everything else easier or unnecessary.

[4:00] I highlight the three sections of the book: the lies, the truth, and extraordinary results.

[4:25] I dig into the first section, the lies and share the three that impacted me the most. The biggest one is that we believe that everything matters equally. This pointed out to me that just because I think of things in a certain order, doesn’t mean that is how I should prioritize them.

[6:45] I talk about how I practically narrowed down my tasks to things I need to do, things I need to dump and things I need to delegate. The resulting list was my success list, the things I would do that would help me move the needle toward success.

[11:45] I talk about how I found a small habit that I could change that transformed how many hours I had in my day and gave me back my time and energy.

[13:35] I talk about the lie of having a balanced life, and how it really is about finding counter balance. We need to figure out what matters most and make sure that part is getting all the time it needs to have.

[17:30] I move from the section on lies to the section on the truth, and the details on what can actually push us towards success.  

[19:00] I share the book’s idea on how to find successful productivity: Ask yourself this question, “What is the one thing that you could do that if you do it, it would make everything else easier or unnecessary?”.

[21:40] I sum up the book by highlighting part three and the extraordinary results. The book details how we need to have purpose in our lives. It aligns so well with this podcast, and there is a quote I love that says, “Happiness happens on the way to fulfillment.” When we’re working towards our purpose, we find happiness in the productivity we have as we pursue the goals we’ve set.

The ideas of this book aren’t earth shattering, they are mostly simple, and it finishes with some tactical advice on time blocking and recognizing when you need systems to break through dead ends and avoid burnout. Despite its simplicity, however, this book helped me move from merely entrepreneurial to purposeful. After spending the last few years reflecting and working on my productivity, I realized it wasn’t the grind that brought me success, and it wasn’t necessary. The problem with the grind for me was that I lacked the awareness of the damage it was causing in the other areas of my life. The takeaways from this book had a big impact on helping me recognize this and reorient my business and life to allow me to pursue my priorities in the best way.

I hope you’ll grab the book, check out the podcast and dig deeper into materials that will present you with small tweaks that will allow you to pursue you and have a greater impact on those around you.

Links

The One Thing Book

The One Thing Podcast

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 3: 3 Reasons You’re Not Making Your First Hire

Episode 2: Why Self Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is!

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

We’ve all heard of FOMO right? It’s the fear of missing out. It’s a classic phrase we kind of joke about, but it’s pretty real. It has a big impact on us because we say yes before we consider anything else we’ve made a commitment to. It affects our businesses, our families and even the opportunities we have to serve. It’s often overwhelming and can be debilitating.

Don’t worry though! I have the antidote for FOMO: a little thing called JOMO, the joy of missing out. I saw this and fell madly in love with it, so I’ve gone really deep into it. Life is a bunch of small decisions that are all about what you’re saying yes to, and what you’re saying no to. This makes up how we spend our time and that is what our life is. So how do we make sure that what we say yes or no to is leading us to find JOMO?

[3:00] I introduce the two things we need to find JOMO. If we are ever going to begin to experience joy instead of fear, we must first begin by getting clear on our purpose and priorities.

[4:40] I help you ask the question that’s going to lead you to getting clear on your purpose. You need to ask yourself, “How do I need to live to feel proud of the way my heart is showing up?”.

[7:30] I get practical on what it looks like to clarify your purpose. I suggest finding a space where you can be in solitude, you can reflect, and you can take all your titles, achievements, successes, all of that exterior armor, and take it off. Then you need to ask yourself, “How do I need to show up? What impact do I want to make? What will make me proud of myself?”.

[8:00] I remind you that while finding your purpose is an ongoing pursuit, you need to start somewhere, and you need to realize that your purpose is unique to you!

[11:00] I talk about incorporating finding your purpose into your reflective self-care that I spoke about in Episode 2.  

[12:00] I talk about what it means to get clear on your priorities. It’s not just about naming a priority but identifying what focusing on that priority looks like for you.

[12:40] I talk abut what it looks like to make yourself the most important priority. Ask yourself questions that will help you see what it is you need to do for you to show up the best way that you can.

[13:40] I talk about clarifying your relational priorities. I walk you through an example of motherhood and our relationship with our children.

[16:30] I explain my C & E method: counsel and experiment. This method is crucial when you are trying to decide if your priorities need a shift or change.

[20:30] I talk about how C & E can help clarify and/or solidify your purpose and priorities. It gives you confidence in the decisions you end up making, which leads to a greater joy.

[23:30] I talk about clarifying your business priorities. I talk about how sometimes certain priorities are easier to pinpoint or clarify once you’ve set up boundaries with other priorities. I give you an example about how getting clear on my business priorities is much easier when I’m already clear on my personal and relational priorities.

[29:42] I talk about the importance of recognizing when your priorities change. We have to understand that other people’s priorities, or their expectations of our priorities can’t dictate what we believe is the best way to live our lives to gain joy and confidence.

I hope I’ve been able to help you start the process of getting clear on what you say yes to and what you say no to. When you’re taking the time to identify what you’re saying yes to, and your purpose and priorities are your filter, then you can kick the FOMO out of your mind and step into JOMO.

Remember, the antidote to FOMO is JOMO and the only way to truly have JOMO is by being confident that what you’re doing in that moment is where you want to be. Be confident in being you. Your purpose and priorities are evolving and growing, so get clear on what that is, so that you can continue to pursue you.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 1: Find Your Way Back to You

Episode 2: Why Self Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is!