Episode 74: How To Celebrate You

Happy 2022! Did you just realize we were a few months into 2022?! I’ve been excited to record this podcast for you even though we are a few months in. As I was journaling about 2021, I realized how proud I was of myself. And that is hard for me- to be proud of myself and sit with it. I realized I was celebrating myself and I wondered, “does everyone celebrate themselves?” Today my goal is to encourage you to Celebrate You! I am going to share a lot about what has happened in the last year, including our foster babies and the journey. I can’t wait to share the things I am proud of, both big and small. 

[2:45] What has been going on in Mandy’s life?! A LOT of exciting, crazy, hard, beautiful things. In 2021 my word for the year was “listen.” I felt that I was in a season where it was hard, for many reasons. God put this passion and need in my heart for another baby. As much as I tried to quench that thirst, I felt like there was more to it. So, in 2020 we started the foster training process to come foster parents. I didn’t know what that would look like for us. As I looked to 2021, I knew that I needed to just listen- not do more or try harder or think that things were in my control, but just listen. We get into this foster care training; all the paperwork/background checks…it took forever. Should I just have another biological child? God kept telling me no. Sure enough- we had a family that needed us, and we welcomed two beautiful souls into our family last April. The peace that I found when I listened and carried out what I was hearing was profound. I am proud of the relationship I was able to keep with God during that time. I used to accomplish things, but I wasn’t proud of them because they didn’t really matter to me. As I clenched so tightly to these other goals, I was just “one-upping” the year before. I didn’t stop to think why achieving a goal really mattered. I was driven by people telling me how great I was or how successful I felt when I walked into a room. Those are the things I held on to.  

Wherever you are, no one gets to tell you what you can or cannot be proud of. I share a tidbit about my friend Julie who is sharing her journey about sobriety. Celebrate YOU whenever you are called to. I share another story about snow gloves, in hopes of encouraging you to celebrate small things too! There is nothing too small to celebrate at all!

[17:05] How can you celebrate you? What if you are in a slump? What if you feel “blah” at the end of the year? What action steps can we use to Pursue You and Celebrate You. 

[17:32] Give yourself permission to be proud of yourself. The reason I started by telling my stories/shifts that have happened in the fast year is to share that I did something that mattered to me, and I am proud of that. Are you feeling “less than” because of you didn’t do a single thing worthy of praise? Or are there a million things that happened to you in the past year, but you are pushing them down because you are afraid to acknowledge it. Or maybe you feel it is not worthy of acknowledgement. Look inward and give yourself permission to be proud of yourself. What blocks are in the way? What are you pushing down?  

[19:17] Review your year. Really look at your year (maybe the last few months) at what you did. I love to do this through photos. I love to go into my photo gallery and start to scroll. My favorite is when my kids get ahold of my phone and take pictures that I didn’t even know about. Over the course of an entire year, there are so many things that start to trigger the impact you may be making. I can tell you at the end of years, it is easy to wonder where the year went. The photo gallery can help you become less narrow-minded.

[22:10] Write a note to yourself- in writing or self-talk. My favorite thing to do is to thank myself and tell myself how proud I am. Speak life into yourself. As we start to do that, all of those little things that can sometimes take over our thoughts and minds can be overpowered by positivity. We can drown the worries out and re-wire our brain to celebrate ourselves.

[25:02] Redefine your future goals. Redefine what success looks like to you. For me, my definition of my future goals is to start to be open about the goals God has for me. I still have goals- volume of homes sold, etc. But I do not hold those goals so high that nothing else matters. My future goals all have different importance and will impact my life in a different way compared to what they once were. Goals for me might include time with family, sleep, how I live my life, the values I carry. Take some time to ask yourself if the goals you are planning on for 2022 make you proud of yourself.

[27:47] Write a note to your future self. This is one of my favorite activities to do with myself and my team. I share a note I wrote to myself a few years back. Write a letter and set a reminder to open the card later. Be kind to yourself daily.

Give yourself permission to review your year, have some journaling, set goals that matter and then hype up your current and future selves. You don’t need to win the Olympic gold or sell multi-million-dollar businesses. Listening to this podcast shows me that you can be proud of pursuing you! I am proud of you. Next time you look at yourself in the mirror, I hope you can be proud of yourself, too! As you are pursuing you, never let a day go by without seeing how much you deserve to celebrate you.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 73: Marriage Advice That Changed My Life

Episode 72: Are You Pushing To Failure

Episode 71: 5 Things I Didn’t Expect Becoming A Foster Parent

Episode 73: Marriage Advice That Changed My Life

One of the things I love most about this podcast is that I can have content that is all over the place! Yes, there is definitely a niche, but it is impactful, in my opinion that things are all over the place. Today I am excited to talk about marriage advice! It is nerve-wracking! But these 2 powerful pieces of marriage advice have changed me and changed my marriage. I am not going to NOT share this message! 

If you have been tuning in for a while, I discussed early on the difficult time my husband and I had at the beginning of our marriage. I think some people forget that this isn’t a walk in the park. I am so proud of how far we have come. Recently, we had a hard moment. I was in the bathroom and Eddie came in and we were having a great conversation and he told me “You’re my best friend.” And I was struck and silent. He continued, “Am I your best friend?” A sadness came over us…is my husband my best friend? I started to wrap my head around what I was feeling and it made me sad and I had 2 breakthroughs.

My first realization was that I was afraid to tell him things or share challenges because when we would fight he would bring them up. I never realized how powerful those fighting words would be. I also realized that I was resentful of him about his shortcomings. I was constantly comparing him to other husbands and I became resentful. These things were inhibiting us and making it difficult to take our relationship to the next level. This was a really good calm conversation from God to work on this. We learned we had to come together and figure it out. When I look back at the work I have done in these last 2 years there is two pieces of marriage advice I have gathered.

#AdvicePerspective in case you take advice personally! When I think about advice or things in my marriage one of the things Glennon Doyle shares in her book is how she writes a note to her “up self” when she is feeling down and vice versa. When I feel that my marriage is great, this is the type of advice that I want to give to my “down self,” because often when I am not in a good spot with my marriage I want to sabotage it. I can find all of the things he does that angers me. But what progress will that have? I have also held on to things (grudged) for too long in the past and have had to practice and grow and develop out of that. This advice that I want you to have your mind open to is something that you are going to want to blow off. So wherever you are, consider that if you are like me, when you are in a bad spot and do not want to help yourself, I encourage you to keep listening.

So what are the books? The first book is called Vertical Marriage: The One Secret That Will Change Your Marriage by Ann Wilson and Dave Wilson. The second book is called Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex by Michael Todd.

[11:48] The first shift is from Vertical Marriage. You are a profit in your own home. They key is…words MATTER. Your relationship is the conversation in how you speak to one another. One of the chapters  (page 125) is “boo!” She shares a story about how her and Dave were speaking at an engagement. He goes home and she goes “boo- you didn’t do this right,” “boo- you didn’t do that right!” Men have been raised to hear positive feedback their whole lives. But then they go home to their wives and she finds everything on earth to “boo” them! Men want to go where they are praised. They are not praised if they are being told “boo” all the time. I share some notable couple quotes from the book. When I read this, my jaw dropped. I felt it deeply. As she goes on, she talks about when we are a profit in our own home we can make the shift. She started to cheer for her husband and find the positives. I share a personal story.

[21:14] The second shift involves how we fight! We communicate a lot and are very clear when our needs are not met. Words can be said that hurt. When those words happen, they don’t go away. I think of them as toothpaste. Once the toothpaste has been squeezed out of a tube, it cannot be put back in. sometimes when we would fight it would be about winning. Winning, in this case, means hurting the other one more. I never recognized this to be a problem. I had an AHA moment. My second piece of advice: Fight Kindly! It is easy in a marriage to have no boundaries. I realize the power of my words because I realize the power of his words. I brought it to his attention in a respectful way and he did not even realize! I share how it is discussed in the book. “You’re mad, your frustrated. But that isn’t the real problem or root. And if you speak out of anger, you may feel better but it will not resolve the issue.” “You can get to the real problem ONLY by being gentle and humble.” In my own personal experience, we began to spiral. So we made a promise to fight kindly. When people are angry, it is important to remember there are other reasons that are the root. Be humble. Fight kindly.

Those are my 2 pieces of marriage advice that changed my life. I feel he is my best friend. I honor and see what he is doing. That is a gift. I hope this was something outside of our conversations. I hope it makes an impact in your marriages. You are not alone if you are struggling. You are not alone if you have a great marriage and want more. Guess what happens when your marriage and relationships are strong? You can pursue you.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 72: Are You Pushing To Failure?

Episode 71: 5 Things I Didn’t Expect Becoming A Foster Parent

Episode 60: What’s Your Rebound Rate

Episode 72: Are You Pushing To Failure

One thing that surprisingly a lot of people do not know about me, is the fact that I was a lacrosse player. It was a big deal in my life and a huge piece of my identity. Being in athletics has shaped the way that I think. Today, I am using this background as the way I make decisions, how I think about things, specifically about failure. That is what I am discussing today!

Whenever I would see the term AMRAP (as many reps as possible) or PTF (push to failure). What was always so cool to me was when you are in the moment of failure, you feel like you can’t do anymore. But when I didn’t have a limit in my mind of anyone else’s expectations, I was able to do more because I was not being guided by anyone but myself. I was only being guided by my own body. When I was pushing to failure, I was finding my own limits and I was finding what worked for me vs what I thought might work for me or what others expected worked for me. The second thing I learned was this idea that I could build off that. When I pushed to failure, the more I learned about myself, the more I was able to modify what my training would look like in the future.

In my last episode I discussed how our family has become a foster family. It has been a lot. A LOT. And when you have new dynamics and pressures, it can shake you up. I want to share how I am living it out in real time and how I will learn, modify, and adjust my own expectations. 

[6:26] What do I mean when I say “pushing to failure” when it comes to life? I want you to understand some definitions here. When I say failure, I refer to it more as a guide than a loss/end of something. Also, my failure is different than your failure. Failure, to me, has been a progression. When I knew I was pushing to a limit, I was so unconscious of my body. What I hope is that failure starts to look different, for me and for you. What my failures look like NOW are raising my voice to my kids, my belly is a little off because something doesn’t feel right. Failure is not an end but a boundary or an indicator.

[9:30] I also want to introduce you to the idea of a “stress scale.” Maybe sometimes a little stress is good! Maybe a lot is good for you!? What I know to be true is what stresses me out might not stress you out. What stresses you out might not stress me out. I want to dig into stress from a standpoint of a measuring tool for us as we are working to push to failure. Let’s pretend there is a scale from 1-100. I like that this scale is the measure of my stress level. 1 is a sandy beach with a perfect breeze. 100 looks like failure. For me, it is raising my voice, not being able to control my emotions. If you hate being there, it means you are at 100. I want you to gauge, not where you are currently, but I want you to start thinking about what your ideal range is. Majority of the time, day-to-day, where do you like to be. For a long time, I was living at 90 but I wanted to be at 25. The goal was that it took a lot to get to 100. I worked on delegating and brought people into my world to take off the pressure. It took years to get to the point where I wasn’t having so much pressure on me all of the time. I was finding that I was very low stress. But then I learned that being at 25 was a bit boring to me. I felt there was more of me to give. I realized that this wasn’t an ideal place for me. I pushed to failure on the LOW end of the stress scale! My next step was to determine where my perfect range was. That was when we decided to (train to) foster. For me my range is 40-60. Find what your range is. I personally need chaos and action. I love feeling like I make a difference. But I also know that my old self became obsessed and never stopped and met 100 far too often.

[18:46] I share thoughts on Mom Guilt. A lot of it comes from the fact that we feel like we should be doing something other than what we are actually doing. Maybe we feel like we are letting someone down. When you start to feel confident where your bottom and top range is on a stress scale, it makes it a lot easier to navigate stress. You can talk yourself through the emotional responses you get from choices you make. It is important to note your indicators to start being mindful of where you are at each day so you can start to identify what triggers move you up and down the scale.

[22:40] What do we do about it? The reality of the situation is I take a big jump in my stress scale during a certain time of the month. My kids, my husband, my life’s pressures stay the same. It is me that changes. For you it could be when quarterly reports are due! So, what does that mean? Do you sleep more? Do you eat cleaner? Do you do yoga instead of CrossFit? Maybe you have a moment where kids are crying, OJ spills and everything in your control is suddenly not in your control anymore. Have a plan! Have action steps! Turn on Disney+ and take a shower. Take some time to reflect because you are the only one that knows! It is not about being perfect. It is about taking responsibility for setting my life up in a way that I can enter into home, work, friendships with pride.

I pray today that the next time you find yourself pushed to failure you hear my voice saying “welcome!” We have all been there and “failed” in our own ways. It doesn’t mean it’s the end. It means that a trigger! There is time to adjust in your own way. I pray that you can identify ways you can adjust yourself. I pray you can modify how you experience triggers so you can get back into that range that works for you. I also pray that your logical self is stronger than your emotional self when you want to add more to your plate or take off from your plate even when you know something is not right.  I pray you can use joy as your fuel, excitement/contentment and peace as your fuel as you continue to Pursue You.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 71: 5 Things I Didn’t Expect Becoming A Foster Parent

Episode 70: 4 Ways To Stop Hustling

Episode 69: You Are Not Your Season

Episode 71: 5 Things I Didn't Expect Becoming A Foster Parent

I have some news! We have become foster parents! I kept feeling God calling us to not get pregnant again! We began looking into fostering! Here we are 2 years later- we have placements and I feel like we are ready to share a little about our experience. I thought this would be a great way to use this platform to answer some questions about foster care and for me to share some of the things that surprised me. I cannot begin to tell you the joy this has brought to our family. It is one of the most incredible experiences I have had in my life.

Today I brought on Laura, a close friend of mine, Laura Edwards! She is an Ontario County Home Finding Adoption Extraordinaire! We connected on this foster care journey about 2 years ago. Today I am going to talk about.5 things that I didn’t expect when becoming a foster parent. Laura is going to add her experience but also the reality of a lot of misconceptions. As we chat, think about how Laura can be a resource to you!

#1 – I actually enjoyed the training to become a foster parent!

Laura: We hear this all the time. The training, the first step, is a 10-week long class. One night per week for 10 weeks for 3 hours per night. People turn it into their date night! They have dinner before or after and think more about the process.

Mandy: What was your favorite exercise that we did in training?

Laura: My forever favorite exercise is when we walk you through what it is like to be removed from your parents. We try to force people to attempt to put yourself in the shoes of the kids- what they are experiencing and what their birth parents are experiencing. IT gives me goosebumps and brings me back to some not-so-great memories of when I worked in Child Protective Services. I have seen the toughest of grown men sob. It forces people to think about something you have never thought about before.

Mandy: My favorite exercise was discussing what a mom or dad has to do to lose their child. Its easy to judge parents and say “how could you do that!?” and then I gained perspective and opened my heart to the reality of these parents that are struggling. It is a beautiful opportunity for us to help.

#2 – How much slack I would get from everyone else.

Laura: People go off of what they see in movies and people also have not gone through our training. I think people have this misconception that kids in foster care are broken and, in the 11 years that I have worked in this field, I have met some of the most beautiful and remarkable kids.

Mandy: People have misconceptions but maybe aren’t used to seeing the beautiful stories that come from it. That is why I am sharing my story because we can have people in our world that have been through trauma and we can still be impactful.

Laura shares an example about the positive impact fostering had on biological children in a family she worked with.

20:31 - #3: How much goes into the goal of reunification 

Mandy shares how the goal of foster care is to reunify the family.  

Mandy: My goal is to love on those babies until that time comes. Now that I am in it, there is so much that goes into the process, I wasn’t expecting it!

Laura: It is so multi-faceted. There are constantly service providers, judges, foster parents, attorneys. There are so many hands in it but ultimately everyone is working towards reunifying these children and what is best for these children in the long run.

Mandy:

I was not expecting so many valuable people making such a strong team to attempt to bring the family back together. The first week I had a yellow notebook and SO MANY notes! But that is why case workers and foster parents need so much support! IT has been so beautiful creating relationships with everyone along the way.

[25:40] #4 – There is a hidden community! 

Mandy: I was not aware of how many people that surround me are foster parents!

Laura: I think some people keep it quiet because they don’t want to deal with the negative from other people and some people keep it quiet because we harp on the privacy of kids so much that it is just easier to keep it quiet. I love when parents share that they are a foster parent they just cannot share about the kids publicly. It is the most beautiful, supportive group of people that are hidden in plain sight!

Mandy: I am also learning it is a hidden community in terms of friendships. I feel I am able to get this group of people that understand me on such a deep level and can also support in hard times.

Laura: We are working on something fun right now. Karen, our veteran foster mom, came up with an idea to partner new foster parents with a seasoned foster parent. This partnership is a mentorship/support to help develop the program as a whole!

Mandy: It feels like such a mountain! Having a guide is an amazing thing. 

[30:18] #5 – How much you can love a child that is not your biological child

Mandy: I did not expect so much love. I never thought it was possible to love a child this much when there is so much uncertainty. It has been an incredible shock to me.

Laura: It has been fun for me to watch you and your family welcome your foster children into their lives. It is fun, exciting and eye-opening.

<<cue Mandy’s tears>>

Laura: What a beautiful privilege to be able to be a part of a child’s life and story. Every child that comes through a home adds to the family.

Mandy: I am not sure where this quote is from but, “Oh how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” (I think it is Winnie the Pooh). What a gift that we have to love them! Any time we open our hearts, we are being vulnerable. Fostering is a risky love, because it could disappear before your eyes, but that is a lot like any love. We had our guard up (for a day or two) when we welcomed our foster children but I quickly learned the importance of going all-in.

Laura: These children remember every place they laid their heads. People can never underestimate the impact fostering can have on changing a child’s world for the better.

[38:37] Laura’s last words

Laura: A quote that means a lot to us in our office is, “The point of foster care and adoption is to find the best family for kids, not the best kid for your family.” What family is going to be the best for this child. This kid needs to feel loved, accepted and like they fit in. 

Mandy: I have talked to so many families looking for adoption because, with foster, the opportunity to adopt may present itself. I feel like if there were a situation that were to ever present itself, the kid is going to give us that answer.

Laura: We complete a lot of adoptions every year but our primary goal is always to send kids home. If that doesn’t happen then we do look at next steps/options/plans but it is always what is best for that child first.

[41:50] How to learn more

If you are in Ontario County, we would love for you to call us! If not, go to your local county website there should be a phone number and they will connect you to your counties home finder. In Ontario County you dial 585-396-4111 and we are happy to talk to you and answer your questions to see if this is a journey that is best for your family!

You can also look to see if there are any informational Q&A meetings to learn more before beginning the training.

Mandy: You just made me think who unique the group was that we trained with. Everything from an incredible single mom, to a couple with older kids to a couple similar to Eddie and me. The course is good for 5 years, so there was very little pressure to dive right in.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 70: 4 Ways To Stop Hustling

Episode 69: You Are Not Your Season

Episode 68: How To Disable The Handcuff Feature On Your Phone

Episode 70: 4 Ways To Stop Hustling

If there is a topic I am super passionate about, it is the top of “hustling.” The growth of social media and entrepreneurship, this conversation has come to the forefront. I have never had trouble working, but I began to struggle when it came time to stop. But, if you don’t know how to stop, the cost can be damaging to you and those around you.

If you’ve listened to my podcast before, you know my story. I had a burn out about 3 years into my real estate career. I wasn’t smart about my time, but I did anything and everything I could to be successful. Problem is, it worked! My business grew…fast. But 3 years into it, after hitting, milestones I thought would bring me happiness, I broke. Since then, I have bene working on dispelling everything that was so engrained in me about the benefits of hustling. 

Let’s go on this journey of how to stop hustling with hope that you can enjoy the journey of business growth or enjoy the process of achievement without damage.

So how do we do it?

[5:00] Reframe your identity. As a Division I athlete, I was taught the more success I found, my worth was higher. But what if I don’t achieve? Does my worth go down? I had to reframe my identity. I felt like I needed to start to ask myself, “Why do people love me? What have I done to earn that?” The people closest to me did not want an exhausted version of me. They wanted a woman at peace. It is also important to ask yourself, “What things refuel you besides work?” There is going to be a time when you want to step outside the work zone. You need to know who you are when you are not working.

I share a story about our Lake House. 

[11:49] Get Disciplined. Get clear on what you need to be successful in this season. You could be in a season where you are just starting out. You could be in a season where you have a lot of business under your belt and need help! These situations have different needs but the need to have discipline is the same. I know what success looks like so I know when I can stop and rest. Discipline breeds freedom.

[16:51] Invest. This is twofold. 1. Invest Financially. This may need you need to invest in some new systems that will help you. This means you may have to give up some things…this may be money/finances or time! 2. Invest in people by taking the time to train and strategize. Make sure the people in your world are capable, confident and that they OWN things. Otherwise, YOU do!

[19:43] Let go! Let go of tasks, let go of other people doing things a little differently than you might have. Let go of the things you *think* you need to hold on to. In my experience, MY EGO pushed me to hold on to those things. If you let it go, eventually, those same people start to do it better than you. They will start to feel inspired and empowered. When you invest in people financially and by solid training, it will come back to you tenfold. 

I hope this has been eye opening for you to reflect on how you are living your life right now. Your hustle might look different than my hustle. Reframe your identity to what works for you. Similarly, do not let others’ version of success impact YOU.

Business is hard. It requires intention and education. But making sure you have an off switch to allow you to find balance physically and emotionally is KEY.

Live like no one else now so you can live like no one else can later. But do so in way that is in alignment with who you want to be come and the impact you want to make in this world so you can continue to pursue you.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 69: You Are Not Your Season

Episode 68: How To Disable The Handcuff Feature On Your Phone

Episode 67: Do You Need A Habit Reset?

Episode 69: You Are Not Your Season

Christy Wright runs “The Business Boutique.” She did a podcast on identity and one piece to her chat has been on my heart. “You are not your season.” She used it in the context of 2020 and how hard that season was. The data is coming out that a lot of the pressure families faced in 2020 had to do with children- activities, childcare, lack of support. In 2021, challenges for me personally were super heavy. Whether you are male or female, I wanted to share some of my aha’s around this idea- the concept of your identity and how it relates to the season you are in.

How can we separate ourselves from the situation we are in? How can we separate ourselves from our surroundings to honor ourselves for who we are. A season or a situational shift in your life does not mean you have to change, too. Identify who you are now and who you want to be and note what will remain the same within all the seasons.

[7:00] “Set Point Theory.” It is the idea that your happiness is a thermostat setting. Great things might happen that will increase your happiness level. Hard things will happen and lower happiness level. Eventually you will settle back into your natural level of happiness used to think when I had everything exactly how I wanted it, I could be happy. I assumed the situation was what brought me happiness. That is not the case. “Where you go, there you are.” It is ME that determines happiness, not my situation. However, you must pursue a life you love. You must do the work. How can you get clear on who you are to make sure that you are honoring that along the journey? How do you stay true to you?

[10:27] Honor you during challenging times! I also think it is important to note, it is OK not to be OK for a season. Some seasons are hard and sometimes you need to give it the space it deserves. When you are working through a difficult time, you are honoring that season. It does not mean your identity changes. Like the Bear Hunt, “You can’t go under it you can’t go over it you’ve got to go through it!” This hard season does not change who you are. It does not define you. You can rebuild and you can honor yourself. As difficult as it is, there is value in it.

[16:10] Do the work! By breaking down a larger goal into smaller pieces and beginning to take action is how you pursue you! Jen Hatmaker said, “find every way that doesn’t work.” Trial and error. I share an example following my son’s birth. John Maxwell discusses “The Power of Mo” and highlights the importance of baby steps and starting simple. I encourage you to find something simple and use the power of momentum to guide you.

Remember that you are not your season. You are so much bigger than your season. You are so much more powerful than your season. You get to define you. You get to honor you by learning what you need in your life in the simplest ways. These small simple shifts can honor you. It can allow you to have the power to reconnect with the person that you are no matter your season. You are getting my permission to reframe hard seasons in your mind, heart and soul.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 68: How To Disable The Handcuff Feature On Your Phone

Episode 67: Do You Need A Habit Reset?

Episode 66: Loving On Your “Night-Before” Self

Episode 68: How To Disable The Handcuffs Feature On Your Phone

A message I have been feeling most recently involves my cell phone. I have had a feeling about our cell phones being handcuffs. But, its self-inflicted! We are making the choice to have our hands on our phones. I define the verb “handcuff” – to hold in check or to make ineffective or powerless. What else does our phone make ineffective or powerless? Our phone can distract us from life. It is taking things away, robbing us of things that we consider important.

When I started my journey as a Realtor, I was on-call 24/7. I managed the madness…until it wasn’t able to anymore. My life somewhat imploded. I learned the concept of boundaries. The clients I worked with then and now just wanted the best version of me. What they really wanted is the best version of my team. If we are not sleeping, they will not get the best version of me or my team. I had to teach people how to treat me by setting boundaries, clearly communicating, and also determining the urgency of conversations. Then I had children. My time was scarcer. My energy was scarcer. The things and people that needed my attention increased.

Today we are going to discuss how to break your phone habits and get your life back 

[8:21] Screen Time Analysis

In your settings, you can find your Screen Time Analysis. How much are you on your phone? What apps are you on most? What triggers you/challenges you most? Mine were messages! I would check my messages and end up scrolling social for 30 minutes. In an attempt to fix this, I did a challenge. I challenged myself not to touch my phone for 3 hours in the evening. I noticed I continued to reach for it, even when I actively put it in the other room. So, I offer a challenge/suggestion to you…Pick up your phone only at the top of the hour! 

[15:17] Set Boundaries

First and foremost, teach people how to treat you. When you are setting boundaries, you are super clear on what you need. Expectations not meeting reality is often the main reason people get upset, both in personal and professional settings. What is most important though? To stick to it! If you text someone back at 10pm when you said you wouldn’t, your limits are gone. You have to follow through.

[18:45] Implement Systems

I began to brainstorm systems to help support my screen time plan. One was having someone answer my phone calls to filter out those that are important and those that can wait. Another system is to create a Google Voice Number. I use that number for leads to filter out things that are work-related when I am turn work off. Other systems are shortcut texts and post-it notes. One of the triggers for me, like I shared, was worrying about missing leads. Another trigger was remembering to do something or, organizing on the go. I use Google Tasks to make sure I am constantly checking on my status. BUT, it makes me pick up my phone and, in turn gets me distracted and scrolling again. So, I got a post-it note and a pen and use that instead.

[26:38] Bunker Yourself and Commit to it!

The scariest part of the challenge was that grabbing my phone was my natural tendency. Doing it with a friend is very helpful. Maybe get your spouse on board.

While our phones are so powerful, valuable and beneficial, I encourage you to take a stand today to say they are not allowed to make your hands or your eyes ineffective or powerless. Use your phone how you need to but don’t let it control your life! Break those cuffs!

How you show up in the world matters! In order to be your best self you cannot have these distractions weighing you down. You don’t have to throw your phone out the window and stay disciplined to retrain your brain and have this new relationship with your phone. That new relationship will have the handcuff feature disabled!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

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Episode 67: Do You Need A Habit Reset?

Episode 66: Loving On Your “Night-Before” Self

Episode 65: Your Path to Presence

Episode 67: Do You Need A Habit Reset?

Today I share a thought I had after driving past a sign during a recent visit to Florida. It read, “Its 12:00 o’clock somewh…just kidding! It’s 2021. Come on in!” It made me laugh but it also got me thinking. There is no denying 2020 was super had. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe you were able to keep your job. Either way it was a hard year for everyone. I want to remind you this idea that “hard” can look different for everyone. Brene Brown says, “hurt is hurt.” She also says, “comparative suffering corrodes compassion and connection.”  

What I know today and what I want to talk about today is acknowledging where we have been and also acknowledging that it might be time for a reset. Even though this reset might not be today for you, when you ARE ready, I hope this episode is support for you. 

At the beginning of 2020, I felt paralyzed. We had a lot going on in our world and 2020 impacted it all incredibly. Those first 2 weeks wreaked havoc on my body. I was in survival mode and in my attempt to feel better I focused on ONE THING…sleep! I slept 10-12 hours per night for about a week. But there was a cost. All of those habits I had created (morning routine, workout routine to name a few) imploded on itself. I was off my game and it shook me so deeply. It took me a few weeks to start to feel my body resetting. I also started to feel that my mind was somewhat resetting even while the pressures of life were there, still weighing on me. Once I got the sleep under control, I started to set super simple goals. Then I focused on eating the right things, then exercising. I was super graceful with myself and my body, understanding how difficult the circumstances were.

[11:10] Step 1 – Show yourself grace. Slather it all over you! What you are feeling is warranted and OK. I want you to take your guard down. I don’t want one part of you battling with another part of you.  You might be saying, “Yes this is hard but I am not ready.” You will get to a point where you can say, “Yes, that was hard and now I am ready.” If you don’t honor what you are feeling you are going to hit that same challenge down the road.

[14:50] Step 2 – Confront reality! Now that your guard is down you are not judging yourself for what happened. As yourself, “how are you feeling right now?” Maybe you need to journal! As yourself, “What is it that knocked you out of your strong habits? What is making you feel stuck? What does it feel like when you are here, in this place feeling stuck?” I know, personally, when I don’t have the right habits I am not as patient as I want to be. I don’t show up for my family the way I wish I could. It then transitions into my businesses. Essentially if you can get super clear on what your reality looks like when you are staying stuck vs. what your reality looks like when your habits are stronger.

[17:44] Step 3 – Analyze reality. One of my favorite books is “Atomic Habits.” James Clear suggests a way to analyze reality in the way of a habit scorecard. You list out all the things you do each day. You list a + sign if it is a good habit, a – sign if it is a negative habit and = if it is neutral. As you go through you are able to start the process of habit resets. Does this habit cast a vote for or against my desired identity? Analyze your reality with a habits scorecard. Start small. Start simple. Maybe start with one hour of your day.

[20:10] Step 4 – Pick one thing. Pick an action that, such my doing it makes everything else easier or unnecessary. When I was at my lowest point, my scorecard was all negative. I was staying up late, working and worrying. As it turns out, sleep/getting to bed on time was the glaringly obvious habit that I knew would make everything else easier or unnecessary. Old Mandy would have joined more coaching groups, diversified income, etc. I had to step back and analyze to see the big picture. I share an example about some bad habits I had a few years back.

[27:00] Step 5 – Patience. Give it time! There is a time when you are going to feel like you are not accomplishing anything. “Your work is not wasted it is just being stored.” I share an example from the book Atomic Habits.

[28:44] Step 6 – Build! You are creating a new habit and then find that next habit! That next one thing. The moment you have gotten through one, guess what you are doing. You are resetting your habits. You are pursuing! You are getting yourself closer to who and what you want your life to look like.

Load on the grace, confront your reality, analyze your reality, pick one thing, give it time and BUILD! You are pursuing you when you go through this habit reset. We are never going to have all the perfect habits. But after a trauma or a hard season, it is normal for our habits to get out of whack. Unfortunately, it takes one second to knock the entire tower down. But it takes many seconds to build it back up. It’s not going to be a quick turnaround, but every bit of work is stored. I know 2020 was hard. I know what it feels like to be stuck and lost. Let’s focus on our habits to bring us back on our path of where we want to go so you can continue to find joy as you’re pursuing you.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

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Episode 66: Loving On Your “Night-Before” Self

Episode 65: Your Path to Presence

Episode 64: What Are You Too Busy For?

Episode 66: Loving On Your "Night-Before-Self"

Today I am discussing how to love your “night-before-self.” I was inspired by my younger sister Abbey. Loving on your night-before-self lays the foundation for tomorrow. Tomorrow quickly becomes today and today is your life! If there is one thing that you can do today that can change the course of your life, I believe one of them is taking care of your night-before-self.

I am going to share some ways that I love my night-before-self.

[2:09] The first and, I think, most important thing is how important it is to brain-dump and download. The night-before-self starts at the end of your workday. You can reflect and say, “What worked or what didn’t work?” You can start to download everything from your workday. You can also do this for your personal life- groceries, errands, etc. WRITE IT ALL DOWN! You might find it helpful to do a large brain-dump on Sunday evenings.

[4:40] Then, I start to prioritize and make my schedule for the next day. I am an entrepreneur, so my schedule is different each day and things can also pop up and throw my schedule off completely. I ask myself, “where is a 1-hour-block I can focus?” Then I look at parts of my day that typically have distractions and determine how I can tackle them first. I break these into 80/20. 20% things are those things that move the needle. 80% are the other things. Then I take those 20% things that are quick tasks and then those that are tasks that are going to require more thought. Same with 80%. When I find a window of 30 minutes, I tackle those 20% quick tasks. Then when I have a larger window of uninterrupted time, I can tackle the more thoughtful items. Make sure you keep promises to yourself. When you are prioritizing and scheduling your tomorrow, make sure you follow through. If you don’t, ask yourself what you may have done wrong while planning.

[10:52] I do a clean sweep of the house. As you may know, I am not a “clean” person. But my husband does so I have always made an effort. I have learned to really love my house being clean in the morning, too. This includes dishes, laundry, general tidying, etc. 

[12:47] I set my clothes out for the day. I need to check the weather and check my appointments I might have. Lay out everything so that there is no thought required the next day. The reason I find this so helpful because it takes away any decisions I might have to make the next day.

[13:55] I plan out any food needs the next day. This includes breakfast and lunches for you AND your kids!

[15:16] I do a final dump. Sometimes a final dump might mean a post-it note by the edge of your bed in case you think of something after the fact.

[16:05] Get “bed ready!” It is important to set your alarm and commit to it! Shower, put on comfy PJs, do what is best for you to get your body prepared to rest.

Find what tools work best for you and try them, maybe fore a week or two. See how your next day changes! Your next day becomes your today and your today is your life. Love on your night-before-self and be grateful for your night-before-self and, like Abbey used to say, “you go, old self!”

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

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Episode 65: Your Path to Presence

Episode 64: What Are You Too Busy For?

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Episode 65: Your Path to Presence

Today I am discussing something that has been a passion project for me: the path to presence. As I sit here today, I can tell you the journey that I have been on as an entrepreneur a woman a wife and a mother has been completely different from where I was last year or a decade ago. Seeking presence is a journey. When I am taking about presence, I am referring to the definition, “to be fully focused on or involved in what one is doing or experiencing.” Although your body is present; is your mind present? Is your soul present? I share some tips today. 

I begin by sharing my background and experiences. My early days of real estate involved working 24/7. It worked, until it didn’t. I had no balance and it weighed on me heavily, until I had a breakdown. I had to re-evaluate and determine how to achieve balance and presence.

[6:25] – The first step on your path to presence is to get over feeling selfish as you are doing this. You must pursue YOU!  You have to stop, think about yourself, think about what balance could look like, none of the rest of the steps are going to work. Really reflect on what will fill you up.

[8:24] – Make sure that you are getting rid of all expectations that you have formulated in your mind (or something others have told you). You cannot have a one-size-fits-all mentality. What works for one person will likely not work for you. For example, some moms/dads work. I personally need to work. Some moms can’t imagine the idea of working and taking time away for their kids. As a result, balance means something different for everyone. You cannot fit a square peg into a round hole.

[11:24] – Realize that presence it is not about work/life balance. I want us to think of work/life PRESENCE. Imagine walking on a tight rope. Balancing in the middle of that rope is exhausting! There is another way and you do not need to feel guilty about it. For example, when I am at work, it is so easy for me to feel guilty about not being with my kids. When I am at home, I am feeling guilty for not responding to emails quickly enough. Ease and peace come when you are all-in at work when you are at work and all-in at home when you are at home. You cannot do both at the same time without feeling like you are falling off the tight rope. The key is that you have already successfully navigated step 1 and step 2.

[14:27] – Start to design your life plan! The key to presence is being confident that the time you are spending where you are spending it is where it should be. If I am at work feeling like I should be at home with my family, how can I be present there? However, if I am at work worrying about that and my mind can say, “I am going to be home with them tonight and because I am all-in at work right now, I can focus on them fully later.”

[18:38] – Build your guardrails. When I picture myself driving down this road, I like to think of putting guard rails in place. My business is the road itself. On the left side is a guardrail protecting beautiful, lush green grass AKA self-care. On the right side, the relationships I value that fuel me. If you said you need to be home at 5:30pm, be done with work at 5pm! You have to be able to trust yourself and follow what you designed in step 4.

My goal for you today is to start your path to presence or continue on your path to presence and take it to the next level. It is so important to take care of yourself so you can make an impact and benefit the life of so many around you. Taking care of yourself is the first step. Embrace this journey towards presence, it’s worth it!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 64: What Are You Too Busy For?

Episode 63: Is it Competition or Inspiration?

Episode 62: Wealth Building Mistakes

Episode 64: What Are You Too Busy For?

“If the Devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.” This is the Sunday School brilliance that my business coach shared with me on a coaching call recently. My word for the year is “listen.” You know that I LOVE talking. My previous words for previous years were always something like “finding my voice” or “sharing my message;” something about talking. As I move into this new season of life, I feel like, for this year, I want to make it about listening. Not just listening in terms of listening to the needs of my family, my team or my community. For me it was also important to have it focus on listening to God and listening for guidance. Back to my coaching call. After my coach patiently allowed me to finish my long-winded update, she asked me how I was doing with “my word.” I am learning that listening is not my natural tendency. I had a ton of intentionality to be productive, but she asked me, “How much are you actually listening?” I felt I was doing important, good things and making very productive use of my time, but I was taking away from those things because “I was too busy to listen.”

Gary Keller says, “sometimes we are losing so slowly, we think we are winning.” I am saying I want to listen, but I am too busy to listen unless I start getting really intentional for what is important to me. For me, it is listening. What is it for you? In what ways are you too busy to make that a priority?

[6:55] What is your purpose? What is this path that you are pursuing? So many times, people think their purpose is their career or vocation. Sometimes our passions for our vocation feel so big that we think it actually is! There is a bigger piece here, in my opinion: how you are showing up day in and day out. If you focus on one particular thing, not just the big picture. I share an example from my own life, early on in my real estate career. I was thriving in my career and felt I was helping families every day. But I was not giving that same attention and passion to my family and friends. Don’t ever forget that there is something bigger. 

[11:07] What are your natural tendencies or the activities/habits that are keeping you busy? When I think about this idea of habits, I want you to think of your time as abundant. Remove the thought that “there are not enough hours of the day.” Change to, “I have all of the time that I need!” Habits start to get uncovered when you peel back the layers and audit your time. I share an example about Social Media.

[14:10] Are you listening? I have a memory that continues to pop up in my mind. It was the first time God spoke to me. Canandaigua Academy circa 2005. We were called to the auditorium for a speaker. While they were speaking, I was convinced that was what I was going to do with my life. They were making an impact on the lives of the people in the auditorium. I assumed everyone else in the audience felt the same was as me and wanted to pursue a life of Public Speaking. When I learned that was not true, it hit me: callings on your heart are unique and not the same as everyone else. Start talking about them and sharing about them. Start taking action. The more you do, the more you will see the beauty o this message, this gift, that you have been given.

So, when my coach said, “If the Devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.” I spent time asking myself these 3 questions and making sure I am listening, so I am fulfilling my purpose and acknowledging things that are getting in the way. When you are “busy” you are “losing slowly!” It doesn’t have to be this grand thing, hours and hours of working towards your goals. Start today with 5 minutes/10 minutes where you are stopping thinking and making sure yo are spending the time on the right things for you. Remember: you are never too busy to pursue the life that you were designed to live.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 63: Is it Competition or Inspiration?

Episode 62: Wealth Building Mistakes

Episode 61: What's On Your Not-To-Do List

Episode 63: Is It Competition or Inspiration?

If you know my story, you know that, as a former athlete, I am competitive. I have always been competitive with others, but also with myself. I love working harder and being better than I was yesterday and making sure I was pushing my body, too. That drive that comes from this competitive nature is awesome. But it is good until it’s not. I heard a concept from Simon Sinek’s book “The Infinite Game.” It is the idea of competition versus inspiration. How are the people that we have in our lives or the content we consume either encouraging us to compete with someone or does that person inspire us to be better. Joy doesn’t come on the other side of a goal or on the other side of winning. It comes from the pursuit from something meaningful. Just by the act of growing in this pursuit brings you joy/makes you better, not just the end game 

In Simon Sinek’s book “The Infinite Game,” the “game”d is a framework. In business (and in life!), it is not like a sport, where, in the end one team wins and one team loses. The infinite game is this idea that there is not an end. You are winning by just being able to stay in the game. Sustainability means winning. Not beating someone else in sales or commissions. I share an example with our Real Estate team. We always set goals for the year. Our agents and team had been pushing themselves all year. In the beginning of January, or what feels like approximately one second later, it all starts over again. It is easy in real estate to have a competitive mind. You can’t keep score if you are playing a different game. Some other real estate agents maybe have a large family, maybe don’t have kids, maybe their parents were in the business, maybe they have a team, maybe they don’t. Whatever the case may be, this idea of winning based on your income/sales at the end of the year does not sit well with me and it is not the way I encourage our teams focus. Sometimes that is hard because drive DOES help grow a business. But the challenge? It must be sustainable. That is the only question right now that matters.

How can this relate to your world? Are the people in your world that are creating this drive in your soul; are they generating it through a competitive nature or an inspirational nature? Are your friends creating this drive in the right way? To me the right way is inspiration versus competition. Here are a few ways we can lean in the direction of inspiration versus competitiveness.

[7:54] Ask yourself how you are setting goals. Are you setting your goals based off other people? They key is setting meaningful goals; goals that matter to YOU and goals that are not in someone else’s hands.

[10:45] Start to identify what you are consuming. Make sure you are consuming the right things! Have you ever had that sinking feeling in your stomach, but you forgot where it came from? Pay attention to these triggers that revolve around your self-worth, your business, etc. I share an example about my pregnancy. If you are scrolling through your feed and comparing yourself to someone else’s life – and then you feel competitive instead of inspired – that’s a problem! In the same way you scroll through your social media feed and edit a bit, I want you to scroll through your life. How can you then determine who are the type of people and what is the type of content that can move you in the right direction. This will allow you to lay a strong foundation for yourself. Your heart will start to change, and your competitive edge will dull.

I don’t want you to stay away from competition, but I want you to, instead, move toward inspiration. When I am able to be inspired by following someone, I am also inspired to LEARN FROM them. That is the key. I want you to be fueled and find things that inspire you.

When you are pursuing you, if is important to find the people and content that inspire you. In order to find things that inspire you, do some reflection on YOU. What matters? What doesn’t? Set yourself up for the right kind of inspiration. Be better for yourself and for no outside recognition you are going to win at the infinite game because you can stay in it! You are going to have earned that opportunity for YOU to choose and not have that choice made for you. Go through your life feed. Be sure the people in your world and the content you are consuming inspires you to pursue you not in a competitive way but in an inspirational way.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

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Episode 62: Wealth Building Mistakes

Episode 61: What's On Your Not-To-Do List

Episode 60: What’s Your Rebound Rate

Episode 62: 5 Wealth Building Mistakes

2020 was very difficult but there were many gifts that came from this past year, too. As many of us may have faced financial hardships over the past year, we are faced with hard conversations, many involving money. We have learned we may need to be smarter with our money, both from a business and personal standpoint. Today I am going to discuss my wealth journey. I will chat about what I have learned, mistakes I have made, successes I have found as well as 5 common wealth building mistakes.

I start by discussing our wealth-building platform/foundation. In short, we committed to a plan for our future, both committing to a life of entrepreneurial goals, which started with extremely low income. We continued this for some time and slowly began to earn more money but we were still living incredibly frugally.  There was also a level of uncertainty. So, as Eddie began his chiropractic business and began to see income from it, we chose to pay off any and all debt first. I wrote 12 checks dated for the first of each month for the entire year for $4,000 per month and gave them to Eddies mom for his student loans. In a little over 2 years we made the final payment on his student loan. Then we get to a point where that is paid off and said, “now what?” I needed to shift from surviving to thriving. I needed to shift my perspective and allow myself to start to enjoy the money. It is important to give yourself permission to go on a trip, to invest in yourself. You need to find the right balance. The next step as we started to see income rise was to focus on our Net Worth. Then I started tracking it and I saw how it grew and I noticed things that I did that took away from it. I started to see the bigger picture of what wealth is. We also started making giving a priority.

[14:45] The first wealth-building mistake is not reading about it. Wealth is something you can acquire as a skill and something you can learn. As I started reading about it, I learned there are so many different perspectives about wealth. If you are not reading about it you are not maximizing how you are building your wealth. Wealth is so much more than a skill set – you learn more about the emotional side of money and why you do what you do. The question becomes: “What shapes your money story?”

[16:55] The second wealth-building mistake is not knowing your Net Worth. It might be negative BUT, the cool thing is, if you know where you stand NOW, you can set a path of where you want to go. I have a fantastic Net Worth Calculator that you can download and calculate your net worth [Episode 47: Focusing on Your Net Worth]

[18:04] The third wealth-building mistake is something I am very passionate about: Expenses growing at a greater percentage compared to income. I share an example of someone receiving a raise at work. Let’s say they earn $500 more per month but then buy a car for $700 per month. Just because income grows, does not mean expenses have to. Tune into recent podcast episodes about pruning and expenses [Episode 10: The Pruning Challenge and Episode 30: Getting Real With Your Expenses]

[20:56] The fourth wealth-building mistake is surrounding yourself by the wrong people: accountant, financial advisor, insurance agent, friends, etc. Surrounding yourself with people that are going to help you in this wealth building journey is KEY. You are the average of the 5 people you spend time with and that includes wealth.

[23:10] The fifth wealth-building mistake is debt. Hammer out that credit card debt, vehicle debt, etc. Make sure you are aware of your debt. The best way to do this is to know your net worth 

I have a BONUS! One thing we have always done that many do not is GIVING. Challenge yourself with giving. When you give at a high level (more than 10% of your income) you develop a different relationship with money. We set a giving goal the last two years and have hit it. We are very proud of that. Giving helps with the attachment to money.

We have been focusing on our wealth for over a decade now. I want you to consider these mistakes and see if any resonate with you. What are some areas of growth for 2021? Start engaging in conversation with your friends or with a financial advisor. Start reading some books! (Feel free to reach out for a few recommendations!) Avoid these mistakes and do something different. If you do what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always gotten. Leave a legacy for your family. Impact communities. Live a life where there is no financial burden weighing you down. Part of pursuing you is pursuing your wealth too, even if your Net Worth is negative! Pursue your wealth building journey today!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 61: What's On Your Not-To-Do List

Episode 60: What’s Your Rebound Rate

Episode 59: Dreaming Small

Episode 61: What's On Your Not-To-Do List

This past year, we have planned and renovated two buildings from top to bottom. Aside from the time invested and the challenges 2020 presented, the mental and emotional loads were astronomical. In the end, I truly feel a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. When I do any big thing or have a lot on my plate, I realize I have to put new systems in place to survive. Said in another way, I learned that I either DO something, I DELEGATE something or DUMP something. Today I want to focus on the second 2: Delegate and Dump. I believe there is real skill in developing your not-to-do list. So how do you build and implement it?

[2:52] Complete a time audit. A time audit is a strong place to start. You pick a time period (I recommend seven days) where you audit what is taking up your time. You can do this in any increment, but I suggest 1-hour increments. For example, what do you do from 6am-7am daily? A helpful tip is to set your alarm for every hour. Once you have completed that audit, you will look back and be able to see what you spent your time on. It is powerful. Do not let anything get in your way with this. I think you are going to learn you are wasting time on things! What do I mean? We are intentional about our time.

[6:18] Put your schedule on a chopping block. Here are the questions I want you to ask?

1. What are the things you see and hear that are not serving you? It will likely be something like TV or social media?

2. Look through your Time Audit to find activities that are filling your schedule but not impacting a priority in your life. Examples of priorities: family, kids, business, and faith. I share an example about cleaning my car.

3. Make sure that you are also looking at your schedule and thinking about/identifying what fills you up. I love doing a reflection at the end of the day, in addition to intentions at the beginning of the day.

[13:00] Start building that not-to-do list. This list includes things you are not doing but it can also include ways/systems to keep yourself from doing the things that take time from your day. It is important to start simple and get that easy win! After that, identify and focus on the more challenging ones. This is where you are questioning, “Do I delegate or do I dump?” Also, identify the things that fill you up, as well as the amount of time you spend doing those things. It is not about what you are doing and whether it is right or wrong. It is about what is best for you and making sure the things you spend your time on fill you up and bring you closer to your goals.

[19:13] Build your perfect week. Pull out that original time audit calendar. You may notice white space and now that you have your 3 levels of activities, you begin to place them throughout your week. You will also start to look at “Delegate/Dump” world and start to see if they fit. How are you filling up my day and are you filling it up with the things that matter? It is a game of balance. Just because you are good at it or capable of it, doesn’t mean you should do it. You may feel the need to do it because you have high expectations. So…do you delegate that task or do you dump it? You have laid out the way you want to live your life. Now, make sure to be VERY clear about the way that distracting tasks/items can get in your way. They cannot creep back into your schedule. The better that you get at this, those little things can creep back in. But, you will be able to limit the amount of time you spend doing it.

At the end of the day, make sure you are doing what is important to you. By building your not-to-do list, you are filling your time and leading a life with activities that fill you up even more. When you are pursuing you, that best self you are working on is a gift that the world is eagerly awaiting to receive.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 60: What’s Your Rebound Rate

Episode 59: Dreaming Small

Episode 58: 5 Reasons You Need to Schedule a Vacation Today

Episode 60: What's Your Rebound Rate

Today’s episode is inspired by my older sister, Ashley. One day as our families were sharing time together, I was watching her with her kids, 2 boys and a little girl. One thing I recognized as I watched how she handles her kids and lives day-to-day as a mother figure to them was her ability to rebound or recover. If her children misbehaved or tested her patience, she did not let it affect the rest of her day. I personally feel this is a challenge for me. If I get frustrated, it takes me a while to recover…and a good amount of sleep. Today I discuss how I am practicing overcoming these challenges.

 As I see my sister rebound in, what seems to be an easy way, I start to think about my life with the goal to improve my rebound rate. I realized my rebound rate is really good in certain areas of my life. I had been focusing on the personal side, but on the business side, I was never held down for long if there was a hiccup.

Webster’s Dictionary defines Rebound as, “A recover in value, amount or strength after a previous decrease or decline.”

I share an example of a meltdown my son had recently.

What tools can I pull from my business life to my personal life?

 [9:59] #1 – Don’t show up for my family in a deficit! I might be breaking down in front of my husband and kids because it is my “safe space.” I am not afraid to be anyone I am not when I am home with them. However, I don’t want to give my kids whatever is left over after the end of a day. I don’t want to start my family time at a zero or at a negative. You will not show up as your best self, to be able to balance yourself and your personality, to process emotion when you are in an exhausted state. My role when raising these children is to be able to, the majority of the time, control these things so I don’t negatively impact them. I want to show up with strength, intentionality and will power so that I am filled up when I enter into those relationships.

[13:54] #2 – Reframe my expectations! The reason we get mad in a relationship is because our expectation did not meet your reality. So, we can change 2 things…1 – your expectations or 2 – your reality. Couples married for 20 years always share with me to pick your battles in your marriage. So, changing my expectations might be the more effective move in my relationships, especially because I have self-proclaimed high standards. When I discuss rebound rate, it is going to start with the expectations that you have around everything and all of the people in your world. It allows me to take ownership!

[20:43] #3 – Compartmentalization after something has happened! My husband always jokes that I have “deferred rage.” If the kids do something to aggravate or agitate me, I take it out on him…because I can’t rebound! How can I handle my emotions to move on? Sometimes I can’t compartmentalize because my feelings are important and I don’t want to push them to the side or hide them. How do I find that balance? How do I balance feeling and compartmentalizing emotions? The key is trying to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling and the reasons you are upset and have that strong understanding of why you are reacting this way.

[25:31] #4 – Staying mad just isn’t worth it! When you are mad and hold onto anger you are robbing yourself of the present moments, that could have been joyful! “Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die.” The challenge to myself is letting go of stubborn tendencies. Stay tuned!

So how do we dissociate ourselves and our worth with the outcome of something. How can you remind yourself how great you are at what you do without needing someone else to do that for you.

I plan to keep my cup as full as I can. I plan to reframe the expectations that I place on my reality. I plan to be conscious of my emotions to keep them from radiating out and impacting other pieces of my life- to compartmentalize vs. erupting. Lastly, to realize this precious, beautiful life we have is made up of seconds. We can choose to stay mad or we can choose to see the opportunity that is in front of us. If we can swallow that pride that flares up and wants to join the party when stubbornness walks in. Rebounding isn’t weakness- it is immense strength.

 Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 59: Dreaming Small

Episode 58: 5 Reasons You Need to Schedule a Vacation Today

Episode 57: Building Your Re-Centering Toolbox

Episode 59: Dreaming Small

One of my favorite things to do is take you alongside my personal growth journey. I share what is on. My heart, what I am battling with/working on, what I am reading to help you learn with me along the way. A big focus on my heart right now is this idea to think small, to dream small. It is counterintuitive to what I have always known and what is in my soul. I am a dreamer. I am constantly thinking as big as possible. At times, dreaming big has been a tough balance for me, though. I was finding that as I accomplished a goal, I celebrated, then put my head down and tackled a new goal. Even though I was accomplishing goals, I wasn’t happy. I asked myself if my life would be a constant cycle of dreaming and accomplishing? I learned I needed to find joy in the process of pursuit vs. the end result. 

2020 was a year that pushed me off the rails, so to say. Systems and routines were helping me and allowing me to find joy in the small things. I knew my schedule and my husband’s and when we could support each other. While there were always wrenches that affected our systems pre-2020, those systems exploded. I was being pulled in a million directions and all of those systems were suddenly gone. Everything from emotional load, social/vacation schedule had once fueled me and were suddenly no longer there.

Today, as I have been doing with myself these past few weeks, if you are feeling and going through what I am and feel yourself thrown off course, I encourage oyu to dream small.

[8:36] What does dreaming small look like and how do we make it a reality? First, I need to give myself permission to stop, reset and assess what is happening in my life. What is working and what is not? When I can start to identify a problem I want to solve, it is usually motivation to plan determine how to get over the hurdle. Next, we get to dream! I share an example about running.

[12:31] Dreaming small is hard for me because I attached my worth to my achievement. If I dream small, I am achieving less. If I am achieving less I am worth less…aka worthless. I had a hard time mentally telling myself that thinking and dreaming small was OK. The size of your dreams do not determine your worth. If you accomplished nothing for an entire year, you would still be loved. The people who don’t truly love you will still not love you if you accomplish nothing this year. The people who truly love you will still love you if you don’t accomplish anything this year, too. There is still a part of me that needs progress. That is what I am talking about when I talk about dreaming small.

[15:13] My desire to feel better and “less-off” is more about recognizing where my heart is, where my body is, where my life is. I am obsessed with “The One Thing” podcast. A question from the podcast I came to always ask myself was, “What is the one thing I can do such that by doing it would make everything else easier or unnecessary?” This is what I did all of 2020. I started simple and going simpler and simpler. I share some of the answers I gave myself.

[18:40] I share my interest in Dave Ramsey’s principles and how they correlate to dreaming small. In one of his books, he discusses the seven steps in tackling debt. Dave often says, “Start with the lowest debt you have and tackle that.” That may not always make sense for you. For him, by focusing on paying off the lowest debt first, you are going to get a win quicker and that builds a magical thing…MOMENTUM! Then you take that payment and you tackle the larger debt even faster. It is not the numbers he is focusing on, it is the emotions. In the same way, I feel dreaming small sets you up for success and the strong foundation to be able to gain momentum. So, when I tell myself I am going to brush my teeth, and I do it…I say, “what’s next!?” Our mindsets are a powerful tool. When we dream small we are setting ourselves up for success, especially when you are at a point where you are in the trenches and you are the opposite of momentum and a strong mindset. 

What does dreaming small look like for you? What emotional and logistical battles do you need to tackle to make it happen? What habits do you need to remove? I don’t want you to think small because it is easy. I want you to focus on something you are capable of and just aren’t doing that could be that lead domino for you to jump start the path of pursuit and progress.

Pursuit doesn’t always mean you have to dream big. I want you to hear me when I say: As you pursue you, those small dreams that you are dreaming up right now might be more impactful, more profound than you ever dreamed with your big dreams.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 58: 5 Reasons You Need to Schedule a Vacation Today

Episode 57: Building Your Re-Centering Toolbox

Episode 56: Setting Goals Amidst the Uncertainty

Episode 58: 5 Reasons You Need to Schedule a Vacation Today

I hope my title today caught your attention! 2020 has taught me so many things but one thing I am highlighting today is the fact that 2020 made me realize how much I loved my life BEFORE all of this. How much I was intentional with so many things that helped me reset and recenter. So many things will never be the same, but I am excited to get back into certain intentional activities, such as a vacation. When I say “vacation,” I am referring to, “an extended period of leisure and recreation, especially one spent away from home or in traveling.” [cite: Webster’s Dictionary]

In Episode 57 I discussed my re-centering toolbox. Part of that for me was the consistent vacation-taking that I was no longer able to do. I notice myself being “off” from time to time and needed my husband to encourage me to take a mini-vacation and think outside the box in doing so. We decided to go down to our cottage and I felt embarrassed to ask my parents to watch the kids (More on this in Episode 16.) We did not have to go, there was no big event planned or a project to complete. We just needed to for our sanity. I had to tell myself, “this is OK!”

I was listening to a podcast called “Business Meets Spirituality.” Adam Adam Hergenrother discusses how you work between vacations. The act of vacationing is more of a lifestyle and there needs to be consistency with vacationing. I share a few examples of work-life balance that I think are fantastic.

[10:41] By getting your juices flowing, you are receiving the benefit that comes from planning your vacation. The benefit, you ask? Reflection! The benefit of planning a vacation gets you asking yourself, “what would I want? What would bless me?” Even if you are unable to tackle all of these things in a longer vacation, you may be able to enjoy them on a smaller scale one afternoon.

[14:31] Go deeper! Why do you want this vacation? What would your life have to look like so that you would never need a vacation from it? For me, answering this question pushed me to develop a schedule and manage my energy in a new, sustainable way so I wasn’t crashing into my vacation exhausted and depleted. Adam Hergenrother says, “You can use a vacation to escape reality, as long as you are conscious of it.” Think about that and start to think about WHY you want to take a vacation. Take the tiniest step to start thinking about how you may be able tot tune up or modify your day-to-day life so that your vacation is a blessing/cup fill vs. a way to escape.

[18:56] If you are going to check out for a week, you might be lovingly pushing yourself to <gasp> ask for help (!!) or <gasp again> develop a system!! I share a few great examples. As you are planning to be away, you are going to start thinking about things differently. You might also start to implement a system. Instead of paying bills four times per week, try doing it twice per month all at once. Find these small tasks that, when doing them the way you are doing them, are inefficient and turn it into a system and watch the time you save!

[22:37] I learned #4 from the book Clockwork. The first time I heard it my skin started to crawl. The concept in clockwork is that you take a vacation and you use what breaks. Scary, right?! I am a bit of a control freak/perfectionist and want things how I want them. I would never dare leave for a certain amount of time unless I had everything covered. I share an example about when I did this when I was 24. I had to ask myself, “how can someone else be empowered while I am gone?” When you go on vacation, you may learn about some gaps in your system but you might also see people stepping up and supporting in ways you never noticed.

[27:17] Another benefit that you get from vacations that I hope encourages you to take one is that “you get better at vacationing.” When I am learning how to re-fuel, I get better at it! I share an example and compare to exercising. When I first go to a vacation, I go through a quick withdrawal of my normal life. I feel the need to check my phone, etc. I put things away, map out running routes, etc. That would take 75% of the trip…and then it was time to go home. I would feel so bummed that I was never able to check out.

In case you need the reminder, you need to set a vacation because #1 it gives you the opportunity to learn what you like, #2 you start to learn what you might need to change in your day to day, #3 you can ask for help or start to develop a new system in your day-to-day, #4 you can start to see what things need your attention in your life or your business and #5 you can strengthen your vacationing muscles to get there sooner. Plan that vacation! Do it!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 57: Building Your Re-Centering Toolbox

Episode 56: Setting Goals Amidst the Uncertainty

Episode 55: What Are You Too Afraid to Ask For

Episode 57: Building Your Re-Centering Toolbox

As I record this we are heading into the holiday season. And while it is a time of magic, it can also be a time of added stress and expectations. I am learning( through therapy, prayer and journaling) that the expectations this time of year are added by ME and by how I think things should happen. It can throw you off course and out of “alignment.”

Last episode I discussed setting goals amidst the uncertainty and how self-care will need to be a priority in times of uncertainty. When there are so many unknowns, have your cup filled provides this strong foundation to face whatever comes your way. Having a full cup means you are centered.

So, what do you do if you are off center or out of alignment? Today I am talking about building your very own re-centering toolbox.

[5:43] #1 Getting real with yourself that you are “off” – if you can recognize when you are off a little bit OR a lot, great! That is a significant first step. It is important to acknowledge your feelings and realize there is room for growth aka “areas of opportunity.” Wherever you are, it is OK and your worth is not defined by this. I share a quote from Zig Zigler…sometimes getting back in center is just a “check-up from the neck up.” Once you re-center that’s when you can decide other physical or tangible things in your life might need to change. This is all about your mind, your mental space, your energy AND taking responsibility for it. Re-centering has nothing to do with the physical things around you. I share some personal and business examples.

The challenges this year impacted my family and teams in many ways. It could have been easy (and maybe expected) for all of us to cower back. I feel the work I have done the past few years prepared me for 2020 and, as a result, that I faced 2020 well. When I got thrown off, instead of panicking, I moved forward with poise. So, what did I do? How did I feel I could handle this year without losing my mind? 3 things came to mind that helped me: My faith, a clear vision of my priorities and my ability to take care of myself/give my soul and body what I needed. There are certain tools you can use to help you get back into center easily. What tools help you the most? Identify your staples! What are the other tools that are there just in case? I share an example.

[21:15] So, what’s in my toolbox? Prayer, Rest, Exercise, Inspiration, Nature & Snuggles. Now, just because I have a re-centering toolbox, doesn’t mean I am an expert at this. For 2 weeks this past year, I just “pushed through.” I was avoiding the signs that I was out of alignment and my brain was not functioning. I stepped away from my computer, took full responsibility and said, “I need to get it together.” Work obsession is not a tool in my toolbox! I started by making time for my FAITH instead of resisting it.

[26:08] I discuss REST. I know my body needs 8 hours of sleep. I was getting that, but still felt tired. Said another way, I did not feel strong. I read about it and learned pressure and high emotion situations can affect adrenal system and make you feel tired. I needed to step it up a notch. It took 2-3 weeks to focus on my sleep before feeling back to normal. I prioritized rest instead of work. I think the key here, too, is balancing the hours I am awake. Running, walking, breathing all helped me step away from the intensity of my workday. I had to prioritize NOT working so hard in order to prioritize rest.

[33:20] I share how EXERCISE, INSPIRATION, NATURE (and SNUGGLES) affect me positively and serve as fantastic tools in my personal toolbox. Getting my body moving even when I am exhausted is crucial in my toolbox. I also have my time set for inspiration- whether this means a therapy appointment, reading a book, going out with girlfriends. It is important to take action and put these into your schedule! Nature is another example of something in my toolbox. I share how winter is a difficult time for me because of how much I love summer. I began skiing to help me enjoy my time outdoors and add NATURE time to my schedule in the cold winter months.

[37:50] I discuss how SERVICE and helping other people can help put my life back in perspective in a special and unique way. Service plays an important impact in my life.

How are you acknowledging and taking responsibility for your lack of alignment? What inhibits you or gets in the way? What tools can you implement and prioritize in your schedule that will bring you back to center. I know we are all trying to find the positives of this year and we sure did learn a lot about ourselves in the process. I personally was forced to learn so much about myself and the tools I interact with and respond to. I am a stronger version of myself as a result. Pursuing you is a journey full of mountains, rivers and valleys and every time we take a step forward in this journey, we are getting closer to who we were created to be so we can give the gift of our best selves.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 56: Setting Goals Amidst the Uncertainty

Episode 55: What Are You Too Afraid to Ask For

Episode 54: Why You Don't Have to Wake Up Early to Be "Successful"

Episode 56: Setting Goals Amidst the Uncertainty

Today we are discussing goal setting. We are in the season of setting goals for 2021! In Episode 13 I discuss “setting goals you actually care about.” 2020 has been very unique. 2021 will as well. I am sharing extra thoughts with how I am working with my businesses and how we are setting goals in 2021 amidst the uncertainty.

Last week’s episode, Episode 55 is one I recommend you should listen to before diving into this episode. It is titled, “What Are You Too Afraid to Ask For.” I discuss how you need to name and acknowledge the roadblocks that can challenge us as we move forward. 2020 may have been a year where you didn’t hit goals for yourself. This could be big or small, business or personal. The reality is, if you are in an industry that was disrupted by the pandemic, your goals were likely disrupted, too. You may also be questioning your abilities. Maybe this year made it so clear that our best-laid plans our completely useless. It is sad but true. You cannot plan for a year when everything changes by the minute. NAMING these things, these fears that have been generated through 2020 is very important.

It is absolutely logical to worry about setting goals for 2021. I think we can still set goals amid it all. Spend this time thinking through how this time in 2020 is showing up for you. What emotions or fears are showing up in your life that aren’t giving you the strong foundation that is so crucial for setting meaningful goals that matter to you in 2021. 

I go back to the three significant pillars I discuss in my podcast: Reflect, design, and pursue. These are the constant cycles in my life that help me with my goals.

[9:35] #1 Reflect – This year has tested me in ways I have never been tested before, particularly in my businesses. I feel like in my reflection I can pat myself on the back. I could list all of the failures and those that helped me through it, too. How did YOU do? We now have this new insight that we can sit with during this time of reflection. Recognize something that is now meaningful to you that maybe wasn’t before. Ask yourself, “What is meaningful to you?” For me, what was meaningful last year is not the same as what is meaningful to me this year. I paraphrase a quote that resonated with me: “The purpose of a goal isn’t to achieve the goal; it is to become the type of person that could achieve that goal.”

As you are setting goals that are meaningful to you, stay in reflection. Whether you want to visualize or look at the stars…whatever it looks like for you. Think about how you are feeling in this new world? What are your worries? What are you most proud of? I share the idea of writing a letter to yourself as if it is December 31, 2021, describing who you are and how your heart feels at the time. I share an example (that I also shared last year in Episode 13) about my Pursue You Podcast goal-setting and reflection. After a couple hours of setting crazy goals and pushing, I learned that if I do not have strong relationships in my life, none of my goal-setting matters. Figure out what is important to YOU and determine what you want to become in the new year.

[19:14] #2 Design – When I say design it is all about building a strategy around something. In this instance, I am referring to the goals that you have set for yourself. You might be in a spot going into 2021 where you are feeling completely overwhelmed. Your goal for the entire year may just be to be the best version of yourself. I am personally specific…and setting SMART goals is important. But your goal is YOUR goal and it is meaningful to you. Wherever you are going into 2021 is where you SHOULD be.

I take you through my “Life Plan,” based off Keller Williams business plan. LINK IN SHOW NOTES. As yourself, “What do my priorities need to be in order for me to accomplish my goal?” I suggest you determine 3-4 priorities. Then, you ask yourself, “How do you accomplish your priority.” So, as you may have guessed, I ask you to come up with 3-5 strategies. I share examples for both as well as some of my own personal examples.

I share some strategies for building a business when owning and running businesses is a huge struggle in the current world we live in! I suggest you have plans A, B and C! I share a few examples.

A strategy I use is called The 15th Protocol. The 15th Protocol is based on the idea that half-way through the month, you should have reached half of the month’s goals. If you are below half of your goal, then you need to change your activities. YOU determine what those changes are IN ADVANCE, on day 1 of the month. Why is this important? 1. You are not wasting time determining what to do when you are behind on your goals and 2. You are not wasting precious energy brainstorming and 3. If you are behind, you may be in an emotional state and may not think clearly about what is best for you and your business.

[33:29] #3 Pursue – After Reflection and Design, the only thing in your way is YOU! It is time to take action! One of the many reasons I like the word “pursue” is because it doesn’t need to be this massive thing! In Episode 31, I share about the power of small things. That is where pursuit comes in. If you are lacking momentum, focus on the smaller things along your journey. Pursuit is pursuit. It is, by definition “continuing or preceding along a path or route.” There is no such thing as a “final plan” in your life. It is a “rough draft.”

 Whatever your year looked like, we cannot spend our days looking in that rear-view mirror. Take the time that you need to acknowledge what 2020 meant for you. As you build your goals for 2021. Develop those A/B/C plans so that you are ready. And, if all else fails, remember YOU MADE IT THROUGH. As we move forward, prioritize self-care and what YOU need to take care of first, before anything: mindset, growth, relationships, so that we are filled up and so that we have a strong foundation to dream. 

So, when it comes to setting your goals for 2021 amidst the uncertainty, download the Life Plan as your foundation to Reflect, Design and Pursue what is meaningful to you. Remember: “The purpose of a goal isn’t to achieve the goal; it is to become the type of person that could achieve that goal.” The more you are listening to this podcasts and other podcasts like this you are taking those small-but-meaningful-steps to become the type of person that can.

 Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 55: What Are You Too Afraid to Ask For

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Episode 53: Pursue You Picks | Attention Management

Episode 55: What Are You Too Afraid to Ask For

As I’m starting to think about 2021, setting my intentions and goals for next year, I’m feeling this resistance. This was not like a resistance that I was conscious of at first. Only once I sat with it all for some time, I realized that this year in particular the resistance is pretty powerful. I think there are road blocks every year that come in all shapes and sizes. If you’re listening to this in real time (even if you’re not), I suspect that that you’re going to relate to these experiences that we all went through this past year, in 2020. So, what that means is I want to dig into your heart, your soul and your mind right now. I think if you’re feeling some resistance around setting goals this year it’s completely normal!

I want to NAME some reasons that it might leave you feeling afraid. I believe that when you name the things you fear - when you take them from inside your heart and put them out either verbally or on paper - they seem to lose their power. I find myself able to look at these challenges or fears or worries differently. And that’s what I want today to be about for you.

So, coming into 2021 planning, one thing that might be on your radar is:

#1 Past Experiences:

With everything 2020 has thrown at us, PERHAPS the goals we set for ourselves this past year didn’t workout the way we had planned. Or maybe it wasn’t 2020, maybe it was 2019, 2018 heck, maybe it was 2007. There is so much fear around dreaming your dreams because maybe you had a dream before and it got crushed.— and that stays with with you. Sometimes this feeling of failure stays with you in an obvious way. Sometimes deeper down hidden underneath all the emotions and feelings is this underlining “I didn’t accomplish this thing so why would I try for it again.” Or, “Why would I try for something like this?” And if you set any goal in 2020, most likely, in some way shape or form, something didn’t work out the way it planned. I have learned to overcome this with perspective. For me, this is ALL about saying “yes,” that failure in my life happened. But, the key isn’t that “I’m a failure because I failed” it’s “acknowledging failure happened but that doesn’t define me as a failure”. When we fail, it’s CRUCIAL to look at WHY there was a failure. In 2020, you have ALL the excuses. I share two examples, one with my child care center and one with my real estate business. Your choices highlight your priorities but they don’t determine who you are. If you don’t like the outcome, refocus your priorities, change your choices and how you spend your time, energy and the goals you’re valuing.

So as you’re planning your 2020, ask yourself, what in your past is holding you back? Was there a past failure that you’re holding onto that is keeping you from dreaming big to avoid feeling that sense of failure? If so, you’re not alone. But, take some time to separate yourself from your failure. Your priorities were different then. Your choices were different then, and as a result, your failures were different. Separate yourself from those failures. Just because you failed before doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Your environment might be challenging. 2020 created environmental challenges like none other. You can find ownership in your priorities and choices, while also being realistic about the challenges you faced, giving yourself some grace. 

#2 Reality of the World:

Will 2020 happen again? Let’s say you’re in the public events space. Let’s say you build a business on networking and referrals. Let’s say you sell beautiful dresses that one would wear to a fancy event. Let’s say you’re like 75% of business whose best laid plans and goals can implode within the second. I feel a bit like don’t want to waste my time planning or dreaming because I did that before. I realized all the time I wasted and i don’t want to go through that again. The only way i can start this is by saying “you’re not wrong!” Just as i did with past experiences, let’s start by just naming it…calling it out that you don’t want to dream because you just don’t know what’s best for the future. And because you’re not wrong, that’s the perfect reason to say “nope, I’m just not going to plan, I just don’t know what’s to come so what’s the point?” I share a personal example.

Besides being smart and conservative during difficult times, what I went through was this realization that certainty is just not the name of the game right now. We need to be adaptable but also OK not seeing the end of the staircase. I quote Martin Luther King, Jr. often. “You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” It is one of the biggest challenges I have. Do I think we need to have bigger plans to provide a sort of north star? A direction that we THINK we’re headed in? I sure do. But do I think every single day we need to be prepared to look up, look around, look inside of ourselves and be ready if there’s a shift we have to make? Yes. I do want continuity in your work and if you’re changing every day you’re not going to get the momentum. I know you need to do great things, but don’t avoid planning because of the uncertainty. Keep your eyes on your goal, but your heart and mind prepared if and when uncertainty comes into your life.

 #3 You’re Shaken

What do I mean? Well, for starters, you could be shaken from, what I just discussed: Your failures of last year. Hopefully you separate yourself from that while taking with you the lessons you learned. But, you might also be shaken because you’ve learned something about yourself this past year that’s been impactful. I know so many people who spent more time with family and are like, I’ll never go back. So, what does 2021 look like when you’re not sure how you’re going to change, or what your future life looks like. Maybe you only know what it DOESNT look like?  If you’re feeling shaken in this way, WELCOME TO THE CLUB, you have no idea how many people are going through this same feeling. My thoughts or advice on this that I’ve shared is to avoid doing anything without some thought. “I want to be home with my family” looks a lot different when the kids are back doing sports and back in school, and when your husband is back at work. So, be sure you’re really thinking about what a shift like this would mean. Is it truly something you want to shift in this big way? Or, is it something beautiful for this season? Is this something you can experiment with? Ask for some flexibility in hours or time home or work offered? Is there a way you can change your hours? Is there a way you can take small steps to move you onto more settled ground?

I HATE feeling all shaken up, I want to encourage you that when you’re feeling shaken up, don’t waste it. Use it as an opportunity to journal. Sometimes I feel like when I’m really emotional I’m very vulnerable, I can’t hide anything I’m feeling or thinking. And is there anything I can learn from that? It’s hard but not all bad. Use it as an opportunity to really discover more about yourself and your passions. And just as I mentioned when I discussed “uncertainty,” plan for the next month. Experiment for the next 30-90 days. Perhaps your “pursuit” is of learning about yourself and what works well after all you’ve learned. It does not need to be. Complete life change. Maybe instead slowly moving away from the things that you feel don’t align with your priorities anymore…and that takes time…so keep pursing that.

I’ve had people who have just felt all of these challenges in 2020 so deeply that emotionally they are fatigued and exhausted. Shaken in a way that you’re emotionally in a tough spot and don’t know how you’re going to get out of it. I don’t want you to forget you. You’re sitting here planning for 2021 and you can barely even get through this episode, let alone pull out a pen, paper and THINK. My message to you is: Don’t force it. While I cannot give medical advice, I would support turning off the news, checking out of social and getting reconnected with nature. You don’t have to set your goals for 2021 in 2020. You do need to take care of yourself. Ask for the help you need. whether it’s financial, whether you lost your job, whether you’re feeling depressed. If you’re afraid to plan, afraid to set dreams and you’re feeling it’s something deep, don’t try to plan your world to cover it up. Go there. Go to a therapist, a friend, read some books to learn more on things that you can relate to. You can’t push through this kind of emotionally fatigued and deeply impacted shaken. Take care of yourself.  

So we’ll be getting into some tactical goal setting over the next few episodes I promise, but I had to start here. This past year has been one that no one could have planned for, expected or prepared for emotionally. As a result, as we are on the tail end of it. We need to be sure we’re doing a download of our hearts to see how it’s affected us - particularly in the way we set goals for our future. It’s so easy to let failures of the year or disruptors of the certainty we once had for the future discourage us from being able to see the world in the way we once did. It’s so easy for this to instill fear in us. But when it comes to goal setting, fear doesn’t have a place. Anytime you set a goal there’s a piece of you that will creep up and tell you why you can’t do it, why you will fail. If you believe that fear, if you’ve internalized it vs. acknowledged it and dispel it, your dreams will feel it. When you are pursuing you, ask yourself, what you might be afraid of, what might be getting in your way. Because even though we don’t know what the staircase of next year looks like, remember that we’re all in this together, and together, we’re going to, take that first step.

 Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 54: Why You Don't Have to Wake Up Early to Be "Successful"

Episode 53: Pursue You Picks | Attention Management

Episode 52: FOMO, Screen Time, Setting Goals, Mom Guilt & Your Pace