Episode 27: How to Navigate Your Mind and Soul in This Unprecedented Time

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

What a time we are in! I try my hardest to keep my episodes “evergreen,” which means, no matter when you listen to them they are relevant and valuable. And then the Coronavirus entered our world. It is dramatically affecting the way we are living. In Episode 27, I discuss this pandemic and chat about what I am personally going through, in the hopes that you might relate. It may not be “evergreen,” but it applies in any challenging situation. I want to discuss how you might grow from fear to faith; from helpless to empowered. I am taking you along on my journey and discuss what this experience has been like for me.

[3:05] Tip 1: Ask yourself what are you feeling? My husband asked me this and I couldn’t verbalize it. Since I couldn’t vocalize how I was feeling, I chose to write it down in a journal. I challenge you to do the same and to ask yourself: What am I feeling? What am I afraid of? Personally, I decided I was feeling anxious that I was unable to “home school” my children the way others were (all things I noticed by scrolling through social media) and instead had to focus on my 3 businesses! Then I came to the conclusion: Focusing on my businesses is okay in this season of life.

[5:50] Tip 2: What is important to you? My family is and always will be my #1 priority! BUT, business has to take a front seat right now, among this pandemic and strained time in our economy. In Gary Keller’s book The One Thing, he discusses “counterbalance.” You might be trying to be at work and have an awesome life all at the same time. But, there are times you will have to focus a bit more of your time and energy in one of those places and that might be outside of your comfort zone. The key with “counterbalance” is that you never stay in one place too long. Yes, I am saying my family is at the very top of my list at this moment in time, but I am also saying that I am intentional about it, I am making the decision about it, I am aware my business needs it and I am also aware it will not be like this forever.

[9:12] Tip 3: Once you have identified what is important to you, rank your priorities. The reality is you cannot have it all, especially with all that is going on around us! The thing that is MOST important for you to put first is yourself! For example, I have napped twice this week. I never nap! I need to do what my body needs. I encourage you to get enough sleep, go outside for a walk, meditate. Do what you have to do to be working as close to 100% as you can.

[10:37] Tip 4: Find one thing per day you can focus on. [Side note: I discuss the important of paying attention to your budget. Get rid of things expenses are not important.] For me, one of my priorities was to get clear on my expenses! Going for a run or doing crafts with my kids are two more examples. I can then add a second thing to focus on. And, now, today I have 4 things on my plate! It is important to embrace these small wins and not to put too much on yourself!

[13:50] Tip 5: Find opportunities to be grateful! Find gratitude in a home, healthy family members, amazing people working so hard caring for us to end this epidemic, for the leadership making really hard decisions. I am personally very grateful for the people that I have chosen to surround myself with. Build that 5-minute practice in to your daily routine!

Using these 5 tips, you can go from fear to faith, from being nervous to being empowered. Lean on one another; we will get through this together!

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 26: 5 Steps to Rock Your Morning Routine

Episode 24: 5 Steps to Rock Your Nighttime Routine

Episode 21: 5 Things Therapists Wish You Knew

Episode 23: Using The Enneagram To Connect with Claire Ficker

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Today I am talking with a special guest, Claire Ficker to discuss the Enneagram! The enneagram is a personality assessment. You may remember when I brought my husband on the podcast to discuss the DISC assessment on Episode 11. This is totally different, but equally as amazing. I am so passionate about connection and the enneagram is a wonderful way to learn more about yourself, more about others and to better connect with those around you.

[3:00] Claire discusses her journey with the enneagram. She is a licensed professional counselor and, during her journey through getting her certification, she was introduced to the enneagram. She gives this test to all of her patients.

[4:19] Claire discusses the basics of the enneagram. There is a flow to each of the 9 numbers and each number represents a different personality type.

[5:38] Claire explains how you and determine what number you are. There are many online tests but she suggested a few books that both explain the enneagram and have the test as well:

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge by Beatrice Chestnut

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Andreas Ebert and Richard Rohr

Claire explains how there is a spiritual connection and how the enneagram pre-dates Christ. The enneagram is an oral tradition best understood by talking about it, so Claire encourages us to read many different perspectives about it.

 [7:30] Claire explains how she doesn’t like to reduce us to numbers and uses her own number as an example to help us understand how the enneagram moves and flows in times of stress and in times of help.

[11:44] Claire discusses the best thing about deep, intimate relationships is the freedom to challenge one another. You get to know idiosyncrasies of one another and learn to highlight them. We cannot assume that other people “just know” because we do. This is especially important in marriages. Each number has a passion or a sin that gets in the way. [Sin, an archery term is the degree to which you miss the bullseye. When discussing the enneagram, the degree to which you sin is an ego or defense mechanism; what gets in the way or trips us up.] She explains each one.

1. The Reformers deepest need is to be seen as good. They see the world as very black and white and, in their opinion, see right and wrong clearly. Their sin is anger. If they see something that is wrong, social justice, for example, they challenge that and do something about it.

2. The Helpers deepest need is to be loved for who they are. Their sin is pride. They don’t know how to ask for help but, instead, take pride in knowing what other people need.

3. The Achiever wants to be successful and to be seen positively. “They want to win and they want to look good doing it.” The sin of the achiever is deceit.

4. The Individualist wants to be seen as uniquely special. Their sin is envy. They see everyone else out there as unique and special and don’t feel they measure up. They are the most common number on the enneagram. Their highs are high and their lows are low.

5. The Investigators deepest need is to understand. Their sin is avarice. They do not want tangible things but, instead have a strong need to have information.

6. The Loyalist needs to feel secure and their sin is fear. They tend to lean into something other than themselves to give them that sense of security, such as religion. Most people are sixes.

7. The Enthusists deepest need is to avoid pain. They see the glass 7/8 full all of the time. The enthusiasts sin is gluttony. Sevens needs to learn to stop and sit in the pain and deal with it instead of running from it.

8. The Challengers deepest need is to be in control of themselves. They do not want anyone else to try to control them. Their sin is lust, or an “act first, think later” mentality.

9. The Peacemakers deepest need is to avoid conflict. The nine has the hardest time figuring out their number. They become all things to all people to keep the peace. The sin is the sloth. They can look lazy as they are attempting to keep the peace.

[21:36] The lines on the enneagram refer to how a number responds in stress and in health. In stress we move one direction and in health we move to another. In, stress 1 goes to 4 goes to 2 goes to 8 goes to 5 goes to 7 goes to 1 and in health they go the other direction. In the middle triangle, 3 goes to 6 goes to 9.They re

Claire also noted that the nine Enneagram types are grouped into three centers: Body (Instinctive/Gut/Belly), Heart (Feeling), and Head (Thinking). There are three Enneagram types in each centers. Numbers 2,3 and 4 fall into Heart, 4,5 and 7 fall into Head and 8,9 and 11 fall into Gut.

[28:00] Everyone is unique and everyone has their blind spots. In marriages, the enneagram should be used not to judge but to build curiosity about how one’s number (both needs and sins) can impact their relationships

[34:03] Claire discusses enneagram wings. A wing is a number on either side of yours. For example, a 2 can have a 1 wing or a 3 wing. Wings can also change over time. Claire explained how the first half of her life, her 1 wing flapped more strongly and now she is noticing more of a connection with her 3 wing.

Before signing off, Claire noted that Suzanna Stabile’s book The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships can help focus is a wonderful tool in learning more about the relational aspect of the enneagram.

The enneagram is a powerful tool. I just love the way it allows us to connect to one another deeper! I encourage you to learn more about the enneagram to gain an understanding about what number you may connect with and, in turn, strengthen your relationship with yourself and those around you!

CONNECT WITH CLAIRE FICKER

Christian Psychotherapy Services

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I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

MORE EPISODES YOU’D BE INTERESTED IN

Episode 11 – The DISC Assessment

Episode 13: Set Goals You Actually Care About

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Goals, goals, all types of goals! Any SNL fans out there? I love the skit Back Home Baller and the song “Bowls, bowls, all types of bowls”, and if you haven’t seen it you might want to watch it, but today, we’re not talking about bowls. We’re talking about goals! Like many of my stories, I had one of my most amazing revelations about goals at a retreat I went to in October. This message is applicable any time of year if you are thinking about setting goals, but I wanted to share it now as we’re approaching the beginning of the new year because I know many of you are deep in goal setting mode. Now, I’ve been the person who always knows what the next goal is and I’ve been the person who has no time to even think about setting goals, so whichever one you are right now, I hope this will help change the way you think about goals, and let you see that when you care about the goals it will be much easier to work towards achieving those goals.

Before we start, I’m going to be walking you through a worksheet that will be extremely valuable as you work on your goal setting. If you want to go ahead and download it now, you can do that here.

[3:00] I share the story about the retreat I attended and what happened while I was brainstorming a business plan for Pursue You during a quiet time. The outcome was not at all what I expected, but I asked myself two questions afterward in order to decide if my goals were right or now. I’m going to challenge you to ask these questions when you write down your overall goals for the year. 1. If I accomplish these goals, will I feel happy at the end of the year? Alternatively, 2. If I don’t accomplish these goals, will I feel bummed at the end of the year?

[7:00] What I came to realize after answering these questions was that in order for me to truly be happy, I want to know that I am showing up as the best wife and mom. This was a meaningful goal to me. I knew I could accomplish the business goals, but they weren’t meaningful and that is the mindset we need to change as we set goals. We need to set goals that as we accomplish them, allow us to love who we have become as a result.

[9:40] Hear how I’m turning the tables on you and giving you a road map to setting goals that you actually care about.

[10:50] Reflecting: I challenge you to first start with reflection. Think about your past and how you’ve shown up. What are you most proud of? What would you classify as your top priorities in your life? If I didn’t know your heart and I just looked at your calendar or where your energy is spent, what would I say your priorities are? Is there an area of your life that you feel is lacking?

[12:10] Now that you’ve reflected, it’s time to design. In order to design our goals, I want you to download my free Life GPS worksheet. Goals. Priorities. Strategies.

[15:10] Goal. What is the one thing that if by doing it you will feel fulfilled? This can often be the most difficult part to set, but it needs to be something that’s going to make you feel better about who you’ve become after you’ve been through the process of achieving it.

[16:00] Priorities. To identify your priorities, refer back to your answers to the reflection questions earlier. Do the things you say are priorities actually turn out to be your priorities? Write down at 3-5 priorities that will be placed above anything else and will ultimately help you achieve your overall goal.

[24:00] Strategies.  These are the plan of action. Be sure to set SMART strategies, meaning they are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely. If you’re looking for an example, refer back to my strategy when I wanted to cut down screen time. I talk all about it in Episode 7: Screen Time Hacks.  

Do you see how the Life GPS works together? It’s all about creating goals that you actually care about. You want to be passionate about taking action, and once you do accomplish it you’ll love the person you have become as a result. That’s the whole point of goals. I hope this has helped you see that. I hope this worksheet will allow you to feel better about yourself when you look at your strategies, priorities, and overall goal. Don’t forget to grab the worksheet, download it and set your goals for 2020. Let’s be people that set meaningful goals that will allow you to pursue you so that you can give the gift of your best self to your family, your community, and your business.

Download the Life GPS Worksheet

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 7: Screen Time Hacks

Episode 6: Good Enough to Move On

Episode 5: Pursue You Picks: The ONE Thing

Episode 10: The Pruning Challenge

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

We’ve all heard of FOMO right? It’s the fear of missing out. It’s a classic phrase we kind of joke about, but it’s pretty real. It has a big impact on us because we say yes before we consider anything else we’ve made a commitment to. It affects our businesses, our families and even the opportunities we have to serve. It’s often overwhelming and can be debilitating.

Don’t worry though! I have the antidote for FOMO: a little thing called JOMO, the joy of missing out. I saw this and fell madly in love with it, so I’ve gone really deep into it. Life is a bunch of small decisions that are all about what you’re saying yes to, and what you’re saying no to. This makes up how we spend our time and that is what our life is. So how do we make sure that what we say yes or no to is leading us to find JOMO?

[3:00] I introduce the two things we need to find JOMO. If we are ever going to begin to experience joy instead of fear, we must first begin by getting clear on our purpose and priorities.

[4:40] I help you ask the question that’s going to lead you to getting clear on your purpose. You need to ask yourself, “How do I need to live to feel proud of the way my heart is showing up?”.

[7:30] I get practical on what it looks like to clarify your purpose. I suggest finding a space where you can be in solitude, you can reflect, and you can take all your titles, achievements, successes, all of that exterior armor, and take it off. Then you need to ask yourself, “How do I need to show up? What impact do I want to make? What will make me proud of myself?”.

[8:00] I remind you that while finding your purpose is an ongoing pursuit, you need to start somewhere, and you need to realize that your purpose is unique to you!

[11:00] I talk about incorporating finding your purpose into your reflective self-care that I spoke about in Episode 2.  

[12:00] I talk about what it means to get clear on your priorities. It’s not just about naming a priority but identifying what focusing on that priority looks like for you.

[12:40] I talk abut what it looks like to make yourself the most important priority. Ask yourself questions that will help you see what it is you need to do for you to show up the best way that you can.

[13:40] I talk about clarifying your relational priorities. I walk you through an example of motherhood and our relationship with our children.

[16:30] I explain my C & E method: counsel and experiment. This method is crucial when you are trying to decide if your priorities need a shift or change.

[20:30] I talk about how C & E can help clarify and/or solidify your purpose and priorities. It gives you confidence in the decisions you end up making, which leads to a greater joy.

[23:30] I talk about clarifying your business priorities. I talk about how sometimes certain priorities are easier to pinpoint or clarify once you’ve set up boundaries with other priorities. I give you an example about how getting clear on my business priorities is much easier when I’m already clear on my personal and relational priorities.

[29:42] I talk about the importance of recognizing when your priorities change. We have to understand that other people’s priorities, or their expectations of our priorities can’t dictate what we believe is the best way to live our lives to gain joy and confidence.

I hope I’ve been able to help you start the process of getting clear on what you say yes to and what you say no to. When you’re taking the time to identify what you’re saying yes to, and your purpose and priorities are your filter, then you can kick the FOMO out of your mind and step into JOMO.

Remember, the antidote to FOMO is JOMO and the only way to truly have JOMO is by being confident that what you’re doing in that moment is where you want to be. Be confident in being you. Your purpose and priorities are evolving and growing, so get clear on what that is, so that you can continue to pursue you.

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 1: Find Your Way Back to You

Episode 2: Why Self Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is!